Sick Day Boo Boo

So, Ali woke up this morning decidedly NOT chipper and cheerful

sneezing green snot,

soooo, no daycare, no work...

I attempted to clean during little A's morning nap whilst Ali watched Dora.

Attempt failed.

Toy fell behind our shoe bin,

and in a moment of high energy I bent over to rescue said toy...

...and my forehead caught the window sill

and I now have a 2 inch gash down my forehead.

Lovely. (For the record...I cried, but managed not to curse...do I get a cookie?)

Pete actually laughed out loud when he came home tonight.

I wonder what everyone else will do?

Oh...and just to further enforce for you my total loss of sophistication

I have been too lazy the past week to actually bring soap downstairs to my shower

and I have been showering with a Dora loufah and grape scented Dora bodywash!

Yay for motherhood. I love it.

Everyday Conversations...

How to start? I honestly am not sure whether or not to post things like this, but it is so relevant to our lives...Being who we now are as a family, you can probably imagine we get a lot of interesting looks/stares, whatever you want to call them. We also get a lot of comments; a LOT of comments. It has blown my mind. Pete and I were talking about it this morning after leaving the restaurant where we went for breakfast (bringing along Ava, of course...Ali was in preschool). We got more than the usual amount of stares, although maybe it's just because I was paying more attention than I usually do when I'm out by myself with a 2 year old and an 8 month old...not much time to pay attention. In the 3 short months we've been Ava's parents, I've already become somewhat accustomed to the stares, but NOT the comments. What makes people so rude/ignorant/racist/just plain stupid???? That's what I want to know! Pete and I did so much reading before our adoption, and we *knew* what we were going to experience, but the firsthand experience of it is a shocker, let me tell you. And the sad, sad, SAD thing is that Ava and others who share her skin tone have to deal with racism all the time. Because Pete and I are white in a racially conscious society where whites have inherent privilege, we could have blissfully ignored race and racism our entire lives. AAHHHHH...the craziness of even saying that blows my mind. Still learning here, but the necessity of learning to be anti-racist has picked up for me and for Pete. Anyway, no need to rehash some of the nastier comments I've received...how about a funny one?

At a restaurant that we decided to go to at the last minute (i.e.: I had no desire to cook dinner)...As we were finishing dinner, another family in the booth next to us started saying hi because our kids and their kids were playing peek-a-boo over the booth.

Little blond boy (about 4) to me (holding Ava): Her skin is black. Mine is white.
Me: That's right. Isn't it cool how God made us all differently?
Little blond boy: Why is her skin black and mine white?
Me: Well, her skin is actually dark brown and (holding up a white napkin), is your skin really "white"? It looks more like a really light brown to me.
Little blond boy: Oh, yeah. Huh.
Me: We all have something called melanin in our skin. Some people like Ava just have more than other people like you and I have. I think your skin and her skin are both just beautiful, don't you?
Little blond boy: Yeah, that's cool.
Father of boy jumps in, shushing his son: Sorry about that. He's gotten really curious about differences lately.
Me: That's ok, it's normal!
Father: Yeah, it's funny, every time he sees a (and he whispers the next 2 words, leaning closer so we can hear) "black man" on TV, he points at him and says "Look, daddy, it's Obama."

Me...okay, actually, I didn't exactly know what to say. This is what went through my head...

1. Why did you whisper "black man"? What's that teaching your children? To be afraid? That race is taboo? That you're breaking the "color-blind" rule you've set? (Don't get me started on that and comments along those lines.)
2. We live in a DIVERSE area...is TV the only exposure your kids get to people of other ethnicities?
3. Wow, we live in a city where you see literally thousands of "Obamas" everyday. You don't know any of their names?

Not sure what else to say about the conversation...like I said, a funnier one, but still somewhat disturbing. Maybe I'll keep posting our interesting conversations. But seriously, I have come to realize that it's harder than I thought. I think for me the hardest thing is constantly having Ava's and my relationship questioned. I could have hugged the doctor we saw yesterday (had to make a sick appointment for some skin issues Ava's had since Colombia, so we didn't see our normal doc)...he complimented me for being so trim for having just had a baby. I almost laughed out loud. But it still made me so happy. I am Ava's mommy (even if strangers don't recognize it)!

The Question

One of the most common questions I get is about how Ali is doing with a new little sister...and I honestly have to answer that she's doing GREAT! Obviously, we have moments, but they are small and not nearly what I was expecting. I must say it makes me want to pause life when I see Ali being sweet with Ava...my heart is so full in those moments. When Ali wakes up, the first thing she asks is about Ava (who she calls "Ra-ra" b/c we're still working on saying words with her). She likes to hold her hand, give her hugs and kisses, help with her bottles, and fetch toys for her. So, in answer to the question...Ali is doing wonderfully!

Changes

I haven't posted much lately because my life has been full to overflowing with changes...and I've given myself time to adjust. Having Ava home is beautiful...she is beautiful. Adopting her has changed my life in so many ways it is difficult to put into words. Having given birth and adopted now I sometimes find myself thinking about the similarities and differences. Of course, becoming a mother in itself is a change, but adopting not only made me a mother for the second time, it has added a layer of emotion that might not have existed had I "simply" (or not so simply in our case) given birth to our second child. I cannot even begin to describe the complexity of my emotions at this point, but maybe I'll be motivated to try as I pick back up with blogging (a little bit at least, or when I'm lucky enough to have the girls correspond their napping times and I'm not wiped and napping with them!).

I think the biggest thing I feel is a strong connection and compassion and overwhelming gratefulness to Ava's first mom...and then I feel a mix of complete joy that I get to parent Ava and complete sadness that our world is a place where women are forced to make adoption plans for their children. Adoption is necessary because we experience loss in our world. People keep comparing our adopting to what God did for us, but I don't think the analogy quite fits. We were God's to begin with...He took us back after we turned on Him. Ava was not mine to begin with. I am not her first parent. I am her second. But there is room in my heart to embrace Ava and her birth family, and I know there is room in Ava's heart to love me and love her birth family, if she so chooses. It is amazing the human capacity for love, and also amazing our capacity to harm others, ignore injustices and human suffering, continue to live selfishly, and justify our behavior. Like I said...way too many emotions swirling in my head...I'll get them out and sort them out little by little. As I do so, I know that God will show me which emotions are godly and which aren't...

Some amusing changes I've thought of the past few weeks:
1. I now wash an obscene amount of bottles and sippy cups.
2. It takes me over an hour to even be close to being ready to leave the house for anything.
3. At 5 p.m. I feel like it should be 10 p.m.
4. At 7 a.m. I feel like it is still 4 a.m.
5. My favorite change: instead of one amazing daughter, I have two amazing, beautiful daughters who are my delight, even in my most tired moments.
6. Oh yeah...my house is perpetually in a state of disarray and in desperate need of cleaning. Maybe when the girls go to college I'll get to that again. :)

Ava is quite possibly the happiest baby alive! We LOVE her smile!


The girls before bed one night. Ali is doing AMAZING. She really loves to help with Ava (which is sometimes not so helpful). :)


Me and my sweet Ava.

Favorite Pics of Ava!

Favorite Cali Outings

As most of you know, I am mainly just sending email updates because it's far easier for us than uploading photos to our blog...but I will eventually make the blog public again, so I just wanted to put up some pics of our favorite Cali outings:

Of course, nothing beat meeting Ava for the first time, but after that and our second visit to Chiquitines, I'd have to say that the zoo, the waterpark, coffee shops, and our visit to Loma de la Cruz (a local artesan park) top the list. We have such wonderful memories of our two weeks in Cali! And now we're making even more in Sopo while we wait for sentencia. Who knows when that will come? :) In the meantime, I love it here in Colombia! The food, the people, the language, the culture, it's all amazing!

Ok, here are our Cali outings (a few pics)...as always, there are WAY more on our facebook pages. :)

Parque de Agua La Cana


View of Cali from Loma de la Cruz

Juan Valdez Coffee...the BEST! Yummy!

The Cali Zoo


Centro Comercial Chipichape

At Chipichape trying Champus (a Cali specialty)!

Our beautiful, beautiful daughter!

On Monday, July 6th, we were presented with Avalon Manuela. It was one of the very best days of my life. I had no idea that I would feel so overwhelmed with emotions...joy, thankfulness, excitement, nerves. I definitely cried several times...especially when I saw Ava for the first time. It is really amazing. It feels so much like Ava belongs with us! I can't explain it...she's PERFECT. I love her like crazy. Here are a few pictures. Next steps include our integration meeting on Friday, we're assigned to a court sometime either Friday or Monday, and then we have another meeting at the orphanage on next Thursday (the 16th). So...pray that we are assigned a court that moves quickly. :) Meanwhile, we're enjoying our time, adjusting to life with 2 kids, and enjoying Colombia. It's a beautiful country, beautiful people. We have been taken care of very well. I'll post more later. We already have some very fun stories. :)

Visas and Washington, D.C.

Well...we drove to D.C. today to apply for visas, and then found out they cannot process them in one day like all other consulates according to our agency. We have to drive back on Wednesday. Needless to say, it is not what we want to be doing our last few days in the states, but what can we do? We're taking it in stride and we're now thinking of it like a little date for us before we become parents of 2! Craziness.

We're so excited, a little nervous, I'm doing my best to stay calm. We cannot wait to meet our little girl! We will begin our email updates later this week...we're going to send a test one. We figured it would be the easiest way to update everyone, since most of our friends don't seem to "blog" much.

Our to do list is MUCH shorter now:
1. Visas: Our Wednesday drive/date!
2. Pack!
3. Eat and watch some movies these next few nights.
4. Leave SATURDAY!!!!

Why private? and travel updates!

Hello, all! So, I've set the blog to private for the time being because somehow our blog was linked to some Colombian adoption news site in Norway (the adoption community is fairly active online), and they were questioning why it was such a short wait for us. I will make it public again once we can post pictures, and then most people wondering about the speed of our adoption should be able to know why...we specifically requested a child with a certain background in our paperwork that I suspect most people adopting from Colombia are not open to, or at least don't know that if you do not state your openness, the powers that be assume you are not open (maybe?, who knows about all those reasons...I'm just assuming based on reading other blogs, etc...not the greatest scientific research). Anyways...I don't feel up to answering questions at the moment; there are FAR to many other things to do, hence the privacy.

In updates for us:
1. We have an official travel date: We leave July 4th, arrive in Cali July 5th and are presented with our daughter July 6th at 8:30 a.m.!!!! We cannot wait! Please pray for patience and some rest between now and then.
2. We still need to apply for VISAS. Just today we sent our application with our passports to the Colombian Embassy in Washington, D.C. only to find out they changed where visas are processed to the Colombian Consulate...SO, we recalled our package, thankfully some mail delivery truck never showed at the Post Office, and we were able to get the package back in our hands. Needless to say there were some stressful moments, especially since we're doing all of this through my parents in Norfolk while we're in Boston for a wedding and family vacation with Pete's family. AAAHHHH....craziness.
3. We get back from Pete's family vacation next Sunday (the 28th), drive to D.C. the 29th to do our visas IN PERSON...hopefully the same day...who knows? and then have a few days to pack, prepare, and leave. Haha...our life is such an adventure right now! (P.S. We need to borrow some sturdy luggage...I'll be calling some of you!)
4. Everything else is on backburner: cleaning, cooking, doing anything besides writing a packing list, and semi-preparing our baby's room.
5. We're doing a lot of praising to God for all of his many provisions and I'm repeating the verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with praise and thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Thanks for all your prayers. If you want to call and encourage us or celebrate with us, feel free. We love you all!

We have it!

So, the mix up between the Colombian interpretation of the Hague treaty and the US interpretation of the Hague treaty has been solved! Our agency worked very quickly and effectively, and we have our I800 approval!!!! We also got our FBI prints in the mail on Thursday. Amazing. So, on Tuesday I'm going to drive to Richmond to authenticate our documents and then mail them to our agency so that they can mail them to Colombia to be translated. :) We're moving right along. We should have a travel date by early next week. The only thing we're waiting on is approval of our desired travel date from Chiquitines (the orphanage where our daughter is). Yay!!!! We're so thankful for all of your support and prayers. Thank you, thank you! We'll update as we hear things.

Urghhhhh....

Okay...so why has the hold up always seemed to come from USCIS??? I just found out today that our adjudicator (fancy name for the person who reviews our application) thinks our file is missing a document, but it really isn't! Colombia doesn't require the particular document that our adjudicator thinks we need (and neither does the US for that matter apparently, according to the expert at our agency). So, we could have had approval, but we don't. Now we have to wait for more contact to be made, more phone calls, hopefully no more paperwork (until we apply for visas, but that should be more simple than this). Please PRAY that this gets cleared up quickly! Then the only other piece of paper that is out of our control in terms of when it arrives is our FBI prints. You can pray those get to us quickly, too!

Our Amazing News!!!!

This post has been delayed two weeks...most of you reading our blog already know our news, but I wanted to share for those few friends out there who may not know yet. We have a daughter waiting for us in Colombia right now! On May 20th, we got THE CALL that we had been waiting for, and quite honestly, we seriously thought we'd be waiting for this call for much longer! Even our agency was amazed and told us it is very unusual to get a referral so quickly. I wish I could post of picture of our beautiful girl, but I'm going to probably wait until everything is official and she is ours. While we're in Colombia, we will most likely do email updates instead of blog updates, and then I'll post pics when we're back home. So, a lot of you have been asking, what's next, when do you travel? We do not have a solid travel date yet, but our goal is the beginning of July. In the meantime, here's what we have to do:

1. Wait for USCIS to return our I800 with a big fat APPROVED letter! Please pray this happens swiftly!
2. Ask all the people in Colombia working with us if our desired travel date is okay with all of them (basically squaring away our presentation date).
3. Buy plane tickets (talk about sticker shock)!
4. Apply for visas (which means a drive to DC)
5. Finalize all other travel details.
6. Pack and travel to be united as a family!!! We can't wait for this one!
7. While we are doing all of the above...we are also squaring away work plans so that everything is covered while we're gone (no easy task)!

Please pray for our baby, for us as we prepare, and that God would work out all the details. We know he will! I am AMAZED at how he has blessed us in so many ways, not a few of the blessings have come by way of so many of you! Thank you for celebrating with us and praying for our family! We'll post again once we have a travel date!

May 13th = 6 months

Happy 6 months of waiting to us! Actually, the past month has been so busy I have not had much time to languish in the uncertainty of our wait. But it has hit again with a vengeance today! Not only is it our 6 month mark of "official" waiting (we've been in process for almost a year)...our social worker called today to give us an update. I must confess I saw the agency name pop up on my cell (darn caller id) and my heart did a little flip...then I MADE it sink back to normalcy by telling myself...6 months, 6 months, you're going to be waiting a LOT longer than that. Well, it was just an update. She reiterated our wait time of around 18 months, but she did say that a family at our agency just received a referral for a baby after 8 months of waiting...a family at a different orphanage, but at least it was a referral. Darn update. Now I have to struggle to remember that a referral to someone else means nothing about our referral. Lucky them, but I didn't want to hear that, and then again I did.

Aaahhh...the joys of not knowing. I realized today again how much I LIKE TO KNOW. I read the ends of books before I finish them, and then I finish the book in peace and with much greater enjoyment because I know how it ends. Many people say I'm weird and breaking some sort of rule, but books were written to be enjoyed...if I enjoy them better knowing the end then I can do what I want. Unfortunately, I do not and will not know the end of this journey until I am there, and even then, life is full of uncertainties. Maybe if I learn my lesson really well now, God won't send me any more lessons in patience and giving him control instead of demanding it myself. What do you think? Yeah, I know...I'm going to need this lesson for the rest of my life. I love life...I love life...I love life. I'm going to trust God! That's my mantra today.

A Prayer for Our Child

May you be safe and sleep soundly through the night,
May you be safe as you wake to the morning's light.
May you feel my love from so far away,
May it comfort and protect you throughout each day.
I will pray for you my little one
Until our time of waiting is done.
I will pray that the Lord keep you safe from harm,
Until the child of my heart becomes the child in my arms.

Updates

On our adoption: Sorry to disappoint, but there are none.

On cheesy movies I've seen lately: Facing the Giants...uggh..don't even want to go there. But I can't help it...the cheese was just horrible. But then I watched the special features and saw the heart behind making it, and well, you just can't fault people for doing their best for God! Come on, Emily, come on, say something nice about the actual movie...well, maybe another day, sorry, nothing's coming today!

On taking things personally that I shouldn't: Anyone have any tips here? Because I have been run over by mac trucks lately and I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but I just can't help it.

On a really fun afternoon: Botanical Gardens with my wonderful husband, daughter, and friends! Thank you, God, for nice weather today...it lifts my spirits.

On why April 3 is a great day: Happy B-day Michelle! Wish I could be there to celebrate!

On personal goals: Anyone feel like running a half marathon with me? I think I need some sort of running goal again (but NOT a marathon...never again!). And does posting on my blog mean I have to do it?...because there's always the "next year" slot for personal goals. :)

Waiting

So I was tempted to put a number next to the title of this post, because I am absolutely sure that I will be posting many times with this title. I cannot even begin to explain my emotions surrounding the wait for our child. They are a jumble. Even now as I type this, I know I won't post immediately...just to make sure I didn't say anything crazy. I can't explain it, but if you've adopted or are adopting right now, you probably understand...I miss our child...the child we don't know yet. We are just waiting with nothing...we can't prepare a room really because we don't know exactly how old our baby will be or how old Ali will be or if we'll have to get another crib or if Ali will be in a big-girl bed. We can't buy clothes. We can't really do too much but wait and pray. We do have tentative names, but even that is tentative...we might keep our child's given name as a first name...if not, it will definitely be his or her middle name...I don't have a baby kicking around inside me, just thoughts bouncing around my head, an ache in my heart, and many, many prayers. Mainly, I just pray for our baby's first family, that when our child is born that he will have someone to hold him when he's crying, feed him when he is hungry, and smile at him when he's awake. I pray that God will protect him and his family. I pray that whatever situation causes him to become ours will somehow work for the glory of God. My heart breaks for whatever reason will require our child to end up in an orphanage waiting to be adopted. See...paradox...I don't really want our wait to be "short" because that means tragedy for someone else. But, at the same time, if our child is out there waiting right this minute, I DO so want to have him with us now. Basically, let's just say that for now, I'm trying, trying, trying to be patient, to pray, to love every day as it comes, to give thanks to God, to serve others, to grow in love...and as I am doing that, every second I carry thoughts and prayers for our baby...just as I carried Ali with me everywhere before she was born.

Happy Valentine's Day

Funny pic of Ali with her friend, Owen. Owen stayed with us for a day and Ali is in LOVE with him! So cute. She wanted to hold his hand all day long. Owen is a very sweet friend. He does a really good job playing with Ali.

Don't you love the hair? It was REALLY windy.

Friendship

I have been incredibly grateful these past few weeks for so many dear friends in my life. Daily, I thank God for all of you. Thank you so much for your prayers and your friendship.

Another praise I have is that I have been able to continue a close friendship with Lauren, my roomie from college. I truly wish I could post pictures of our adventures together...from dressing up crazy to go to a movie, to acting out a funeral (don't ask), to playing pranks on people (remember the poop log?), swimming, to being in each other's weddings...we've seen each other through so many transitions. And now we've each been there for each other as we've become mommies. What an adventure that is, right? Here's a picture of the cutest little boy, Caleb, with Aliana. Ali is not quite sure what to think. And a picture of me holding Caleb. (Doesn't Lauren look amazing for having just had a baby?) We love you, Paul, Lauren, and little Caleb!

LOVED This!

So Pete actually pointed this one out to me!

http://www.ysmarko.com/?p=4567

MLK Day Unity March

Our Angels!

So...drum roll, please...we have our USCIS approval!!!!

Ok, well, it actually seems really anticlimactic to be honest. But, we're still really happy, and it wouldn't have been possible without our two angels. Let me explain. First, I called the USCIS Hague Unit every day for the past 2 weeks with no luck, but last Thursday I finally got a hold of someone who gave me their name (shocker, I know), looked up my file, and said, "Oh. Your file is back on the shelf. [This was AFTER we send in the information THEY requested from us...just some silly statement by our social worker...ok, quote continues] I'll request your file right now. [She did it, right then, on the phone.] My name is Meredith and I'll call you if I have any questions." She called me back and said we're approved and the letter is in the mail. How simple was that, and why didn't anyone else do that? That's all I want to know at this moment. But, thank the Lord for Meredith!!!

Ok, our second angel. On Monday I was bummed that I didn't see the letter in the mailbox, but I figured, be patient. Well, I went out for a walk during lunch because Pete could watch Ali on his lunch break, and when I came home, he handed me THE ENVELOPE. It had been delivered to a neighbor's house. HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT MISTAKE, MR. POSTMAN? Thank the Lord for our neighbor. He told Pete he thought it looked important! Given that it's a huge envelope that says Department of Homeland Security on it. :) Hehe. I wonder what our neighbor thinks of us?

Anyway, good news all around. Yay!

Safety

"The only haven of safety is to have no other will, no other wisdom, than to follow the Lord wherever he leads. Let this, then, be the first step, to abandon ourselves and devote the whole energy of our minds to the service of God." John Calvin

So, in light of several negative comments lately and some not-quite-negative-but-questioning-with-a-negative-message-intended comments regarding our adoption (along the lines of: You're crazy, your family is going to be messed up b/c adoptive kids have hard times sometimes), I found the above quote to be so encouraging and it puts words to what I've been feeling or trying to say in response to some comments. (I'll post sometime about my vent regarding the "Christian bubble" that we so often fail to leave.) Pete and I are convinced that this adoption is God's will for our family. It is not Plan B, it is not second-best, it is not because it is difficult for us to get pregnant. It is what God wants, and we feel a peace and a joy beyond explaining about this child...and the child already feels a part of our family even before we know his or her name or age or birthday! God does not give ANY guarantees to parents, whether they have biological or adopted children or both. We work with teens and have seen messed up kids from every situation, and great kids from every situation. I mean, God is the perfect parent, right, and look at the messes we, His kids, get into every day! God's power and His grace are perfect and all sufficient. We know that, in our family, God is working according to His purposes, and we are willing to submit to His plan...it doesn't matter if it means that we might suffer, have broken hearts, experience pain, etc...God called us to have the same attitude of Christ Jesus, who humbled himself and became obedient to death! We can do no less, and we are safe in His hands and His will, no matter what happens! And we're excited. I can't wait to meet our newest child. I really hope that I get to hold him or her this year!!! That's our prayer. Will you pray that with us?