Waiting

So I was tempted to put a number next to the title of this post, because I am absolutely sure that I will be posting many times with this title. I cannot even begin to explain my emotions surrounding the wait for our child. They are a jumble. Even now as I type this, I know I won't post immediately...just to make sure I didn't say anything crazy. I can't explain it, but if you've adopted or are adopting right now, you probably understand...I miss our child...the child we don't know yet. We are just waiting with nothing...we can't prepare a room really because we don't know exactly how old our baby will be or how old Ali will be or if we'll have to get another crib or if Ali will be in a big-girl bed. We can't buy clothes. We can't really do too much but wait and pray. We do have tentative names, but even that is tentative...we might keep our child's given name as a first name...if not, it will definitely be his or her middle name...I don't have a baby kicking around inside me, just thoughts bouncing around my head, an ache in my heart, and many, many prayers. Mainly, I just pray for our baby's first family, that when our child is born that he will have someone to hold him when he's crying, feed him when he is hungry, and smile at him when he's awake. I pray that God will protect him and his family. I pray that whatever situation causes him to become ours will somehow work for the glory of God. My heart breaks for whatever reason will require our child to end up in an orphanage waiting to be adopted. See...paradox...I don't really want our wait to be "short" because that means tragedy for someone else. But, at the same time, if our child is out there waiting right this minute, I DO so want to have him with us now. Basically, let's just say that for now, I'm trying, trying, trying to be patient, to pray, to love every day as it comes, to give thanks to God, to serve others, to grow in love...and as I am doing that, every second I carry thoughts and prayers for our baby...just as I carried Ali with me everywhere before she was born.