New Blog Love

In case you need a new funny and honest and real blog to read...her latest post is a repost with the title "Missionaries probably shouldn't be jealous of strippers:
But sometimes they are."

Sing with me...

...(to the tune of the Mickey Mouse song):

J-U-D

G-E-M

E-N-T-A-L!

Here's the story...

So, about 2 weeks ago, we took a family outing to have Kylah's ears pierced. (She looks precious, by the way...but I'm lame and lazy about actually uploading pics, so you'll just have to picture the cutest baby ever, now with earrings, ok?)

In the store, because I'm a wimp about holding my kids down while others inflict pain, Pete was drafted to hold Kylah while the Claire's technician marked where the earrings would go. I started to browse the store with Ali and Ava...Ali, by the way, was in little girl heaven! Oh my, what have I done?

So, you know those loud-cell-phone-talkers that annoy you in public places? There was one in Claire's 2 weeks ago, and she decided to start telling whoever it was she was talking to all about her horror that someone would pierce his baby's ears and how could he do that and she would NEVER do something like that, it's just horrible...Pete couldn't hear her, but I could, cuz, remember, I'm "browsing" the store with Ali and Ava! I looked over at her and she caught my eye. I looked over at Kylah with Pete, turned back to loud-cell-phone-lady and said, "You think we're nuts, don't you?" I so wish I could have snapped a picture of her face at that moment...it was priceless...it was morphing from the horror she had previously been explaining in her cell phone conversation to looking at me and beginning to lump me into the "irresponsible parent" category she had lumped Pete into and then morphed into an embarrassed I just got caught judging someone while they were listening face!!! She looked back at me and shrugged and (with a still priceless, you're horrible face) said, "To each their own." I just looked at her and said, "Yep!"

Ah, I want to laugh just thinking of her face...did I mention it was priceless???

And then, there's another quick story of an adult who complained about kids reading their Bibles on their phones in church...ahhh...just smile with me, folks. I mean, the kids are reading. Their BIBLES! In church.

Two stories to remind us that we have freedom as we follow Christ...we have His word to guide us and then we need to offer grace to each other as we seek to honor Him within the boundaries of His revelation to us, but there is so much variation within those boundaries. Praise God for His creativity in making us all and for His grace in our lives!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow....

Hopefully, the pink cast will come off tomorrow...a "post-cast" picture will be up shortly...although I've been told that sometimes doctors can take the cast off, re-x-ray, then put one right back on. Really hoping that doesn't happen.


This is Ali the first day with her cast! Such a trooper.

For those who don't know...Ali broke her leg 6 weeks ago...running and falling, over nothing. She didn't cry, got right back up and fell again. We went through the day and she kept telling me her leg hurt, but wasn't crying. Finally, we took her to the ER, and there it was, a broken leg. It's been an interesting 6 weeks.

Quote

Marriage is more than your love for each other. It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which he wills to perpetuate the human race till the end of time. In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. As you first gave the ring to one another and have now received it a second time from the hand of the pastor, so love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of marriage above the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Letters and Papers from Prison

Thanksgiving

Rest

Today I almost (okay, I did) lose it several times (okay, really more like at least 100 times)...

I changed the poopy diapers of THREE kids still wearing those darn things.
I cleaned off the disgusting high chair at least 5 times. (I really want to take it outside and power wash it. Like, multiple times, people. Seriously, of all things baby, I hate the high chair the most. The crusted on food, the cracks full of crumbs, the constant stickiness...)
I listened to and forced myself to deal with multiple temper tantrums.
I walked away for a second, a second! and turned around to find out that Ava has figured out how to climb onto our kitchen counter...she pulls up with an above average grip, uses her feet as traction on the cabinets and then gets a knee up onto the counter...what in the world? I need to get her in rock climbing already!!! (Now, how to baby proof kitchen counters????)
I fed, clothed, played with, read to, hugged, kissed, timed-out (is that a word), fed some more, cuddled more, attempted a clean up of what I affectionately call toy-vomit in my house, played with more, cleaned up more...you get the idea, then called my husband to pick up frozen pizzas on the way home b/c there was no way I was going to cook and we had small group at our house tonight and more guests tomorrow night and Saturday night, I could go on, but I won't....

Aahhh...that's what I feel like right now. There's a lot going on and you know what I forgot to do today? I forgot to rely on God. I tried it myself and I FAILED. epic.mom.fail. If I could have a fail blog, today would be on it. I don't feel guilty, just stupid.

So, tomorrow (and the rest of tonight because I know there will be a wake up from deep sleep moment or two...or three):

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Emotions

November is National Adoption Month...and I could write my own thoughts down, but some really smart, cool people who I want to be when I grow up have already written very eloquently about so many issues. Here is just one link to a post about Honoring First Families. Please read it if you're interested at all in adoption related issues. I think she does a great job with some tough realities.

Honestly, these past four months holding and cuddling Kylah have made me so emotional in ways I wasn't with Ali, because I have the beyond-words-privilege of being Ava's mommy. I missed her first 5 months, but her first mom is missing her life...for a myriad of reasons of which I know only a very, very few. I think and pray for her everyday, and I pray that Ava will know how much I love her as my daughter and how much I honor and respect her birth-mom. I trust in God's plan for all of our lives and I know He is powerful to redeem. What I pray is that Ava will find her identity first and foremost in Jesus Christ, that she will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved in this family, and that if she someday desires, she will also have an opportunity to meet her birth-family, if that's important to her. But if she doesn't meet them on this earth, I pray daily that God is redeeming their hearts and souls and that we will all meet in heaven with a celebration of recognition and joy at what God has done.

Outsourced

Birthday cake making ranks right there with changing poopy diapers for me...unfortunately I can rarely outsource the poop, but the cake...that can be delegated to Oma (aka Grandma) who actually enjoys the process of making an elaborate creation that is destined for destruction. But don't worry, Oma, this is the place that I can immortalize the amazing Dora cake...





Happy 3rd Birthday, Sweet Aliana!

Hmmm...

So, I'm thinking about doing this experiment, maybe officially, maybe on my own, but definitely would like to try...six items or less for a month...

Considering the fact I'm not much of a fashionista (that's an understatement; I mean, I wear the same flip-flops all summer, and only have 2 pairs of "winter" shoes. But I do love jeans. And t-shirts.), I figure it'd kinda be cheating for me to do it, but still, it's interesting. I'm guessing I wouldn't find it much different than what I already do. I must admit I often find myself only reaching for the same items of clothing anyway.

A much more radical experiment here: The Great American Apparel Diet. I tried this (I mean, not this specific experiment, but just my own "New Year's Resolution" to not buy clothes for a year) a few years back...I made it about 8 months and then broke down and bought some clothing article. Can't even remember what it was...

I find these experiments interesting for a number of reasons...lately I've been feeling like my house is vomiting STUFF and I'm so tired of it. But then I still want to buy stuff. What is that? I feel that God's reminder that He is all we need and the mandate to use our money for kingdom purposes is often drowned out by the materialism pushed on us by society.

I also find it really annoying that I had to push a toddler screaming through Target...for what, you ask? She wanted a piggy bank and by the time I bought trash bags and toilet paper (the whole purpose of the trip), the whole store knew what Ali wanted. A piggy bank. Didn't even know she knew what one was. So, the knowledge my daughter is also being programmed to want more frightens me. Because I have the same urge. And it's really strong when it comes to my kids. I love buying them stuff. And then I hate that my house is cluttered with that same stuff. An interesting conundrum.

Then Pete and I watch this on PBS last night: Beyond Babyland. Mega-convicting and a good reminder that there is a huge gap in our own country. I mean seriously, I have WAY.MORE than I could ever need while people are living in poverty right around the corner from me. And then I read this on the blog on earth as it is in heaven The disparity is huge. And I have to figure out a way to live with it. My way is to live with less. And I need huge reminders of that many, many times. I let greediness creep back into my life and forget the blessed and eternal ways to spend money.

And then there's this: Matthew 6:24 No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money (or the stuff money can buy).

Confessions

I am sometimes self-conscious about the way I look. There, I said it. But I think most girls probably are, right? And having just had a baby, my self-consciousness is at an abnormal high. And being in a bathing suit that didn't exactly fit all week on vacation didn't help. And the fact that only a very few clothes of mine fit doesn't help either. Thankfully my love affair with jeans for my entire life has guaranteed me some faithful standby pairs due to owning way too many jeans in a variety of sizes.

I was thinking this week, though, that I want to be careful about how I think about myself b/c I am a model to my girls. And whether or not I feel good about my weight or what I currently look like affects my girls! My identity rests in Jesus Christ, not in what I weigh, what size I wear, my hairstyle, my clothes, my face, etc...passing on the peace and self-confidence that can only come from a solid understanding of who I am as a daughter of God is so very important to me...and how can I teach that to my girls without deeply and truly believing it myself? So...I will NOT listen to the lies that tell me I have to be skinnier, own more stylish clothes, have perfect skin, etc. Even right now, when I'm obsessing (yes, it's true) about losing baby weight. Stop obsessing, Emily, stop! (That's a little self-talk for you...haha!)

And, after all...even if I don't lose all the baby weight...just look at them. Aren't they worth it? I am beyond blessed and so grateful for my 3 beautiful daughters!!!!

I like small butts and I cannot lie...

...come on, you know you're singing now!

When I was teaching middle school, one of the things I enjoyed the most was the running commentary I got on my appearance from "tween girls" who didn't really edit themselves too much.

"Ms. Johnson, you shoulda worn your black shoes today with that outfit." (I only had 2 pairs of shoes I wore...a brown pair and a black pair.)

"Ms. Johnson, did you get your eyebrows done?" (Why, do they need it or something?)

"Oooo...Ms. Johnson, you got your ears pierced again."

"Ms. Johnson, why don't you ever wear your hair down?" (Ummm, cuz school starts at 7:15 in the morning, which in case you haven't noticed is WAY.TOO.EARLY to wake up with enough time to blow dry my hair!!)

"Ms. Johnson, are you one of those white girls who's really skinny but thinks she's fat. Cuz you're really skinny." (No joke...this made me laugh out loud in class.)

And the best ever: "Ms. Johnson, you know they make padded jeans so your butt could look bigger. I have a catalog if you want." (I laughed here, too. This came out of nowhere, people.)

But the above quote leads me to the title of this post...

Luckily, Kylah takes after me and has (an apparently) small booty...because that's how she came out, butt first. Yes, she was breech and no, we didn't know until I was pushing. Pushing, people. The midwife checked me at that moment and said, "Oh sh*t. She's breech." If I were the curse-out-loud type I think I would have said something like, "No sh*t!!!" As it was, at that moment, I didn't even curse in my head. The room filled, I was put on a gurney and rolled to the O.R. Let's just say I was not the poster girl for a natural birth at the moment. I cringe to think that anyone might have seen me being rolled naked, screaming, and in general freaking out on the short ride to the O.R. I didn't even have time to think about much, other than the question of how in the world they could c-section me at this late moment...they quickly informed me I would be pushing the baby out...and push I did. 5 minutes after my arrival in the O.R., Kylah was born...small butt first, head last!

Pete likes to say the whole thing reminded him of a movie. My labor started at 3 a.m. Saturday. I let Pete sleep because he had just returned from a week long camping trip with students at 10 p.m. Friday. Around 6 a.m. I texted Lauren (best friend ever) to see if she would go for a walk with me. I didn't want to believe I was in labor yet...contractions would go from 10-12 minutes apart to 7 minutes apart and back to 10 minutes apart until Paul & Lauren took Ali and Ava to their house around 9 a.m. Then immediately my contractions were 5 minutes apart and closing. An hour later I told Pete I felt like I was pushing. (So much for the directions of 5 minute apart contractions for 2 hours before you even call the midwives to let them know you're in labor!)

Enter panic mode for Pete...he rushed to pack the car. I barely made the walk to our driveway to get in the car, and I SCREAMED all the way to the hospital with back to back contractions. Then I sat in a wheel chair in front of the hospital SCREAMING while Pete parked the car. A stranger came up to walk into the hospital and held my hand. Turned out he was the chaplain. God bless him. Pete came, pushed me to the elevator. Some poor dude just had to get on with us. Me, yep, still SCREAMING. Pete rolled me into the birthing center while I yelled...get me drugs, I give up, give me a c-section NOW! The midwife told them to stop filling the tub; I think they could take one look at me and know I was about to deliver. So...yeah, not the poster girl for a natural birth. From what I hear, some women are actually peaceful when they are in labor...not sure how that's possible.

They quickly checked me and I was 8 cm...they must not have checked for too long, because the whole "she's breech" thing wasn't caught then...not until 20 minutes later when I was pushing. We were at the hospital maybe 30 minutes before Kylah was born. When I said I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, I didn't quite mean to cut it that close...but, well, everything was ok. The actual birth wasn't what we expected, but Kylah is healthy and I'm doing well.

So, there you go...I like small butts and I cannot lie...

Full Heart, Full Hands

When Pete and I started trying to grow our family four and a half years ago, I never dreamed I would be blessed in the way I have been by EACH of my precious children. My heart is overflowing with love for these beautiful daughters of mine and I cannot begin to put into words everything that has happened in our hearts during the years we have been praying for these girls. For now, enjoy the pics!!! This surprise third blessing especially taught me a lot about trusting in God's timing and His plan...enjoy the pics. Ali and Ava love (most of the time, haha), their little sister, Kylah Zoe.

Oh Girls...

...we can be crazy cool and insane!!! Bear with me for a tangent for a moment...one of the oh so many reasons I LOVE my husband is that he is totally cool with having all daughters. He tells people he loves raising girls because the world needs more strong women like me (not so sure about that myself, but I feel loved by the comment)! When we were dating in college, I vividly remember a conversation he stumbled into with my roomie (love you, Lauren) and another (ahem, feminist) friend of mine...we were talking about choices and women and careers...and Pete totally just went with it. I like to think he'd call himself a feminist (although he'd probably define it for you...as in, he's not one of the radical, political types...and neither am I, for the record). But, my wonderful husband is an egalitarian (for those who know what I mean)...and that is COOL, considering he married one. Haha!

So, some crazy and cool links...I have to credit my husband (hence the ode to him above)...he found these links (for those who don't know...he works with teens and actually does research teen culture...and sends me interesting links...which we subsequently discuss over dinner with our still very young girls...who will someday, I know, roll their eyes at us).

High Heels for Babies...oh.my.goodness. Seriously? I mean, I know it's probably meant to be a gag gift, but wow. We want to indoctrinate our little baby girls ALREADY into thinking that beauty trumps all? Who cares if it's uncomfortable? Who cares if it's completely, ridiculously impracticable? Who cares if it sends the message that we better be "in style" or else, whatever that means? Side note about heels coming up...

(So in Colombia, I read that sometimes at a teen's 15th birthday party, the birthday girl starts the party in flats and then her dad gives her her first pair of heels to mark her becoming a woman, so to speak. Well, we thought that was a cool idea, until we both laughed at the fact that I NEVER wear heels (WAY too uncomfortable and fashion has NEVER been worth that to me)...so I think the gesture might be somewhat amusing to our girls.)

Anyway...

Twilight Addictions (and before you say you're not a "Twi-hard"...I have the same beef with being overly addicted to "chick flicks" or any similar genre which pushes unrealistic relationships)...look at what people are doing for Eclipse! Insane!

And then a last REALLY COOL girl...who's just graduated high school. I love, love, love it that she's picking on a magazine that I abhor for many of the same reasons she picks on it...when girls on our trip buy such magazines, Pete and I usually have fun writing little comments to them in the magazines when they're not looking, such as "She's airbrushed...She's pushing a false standard of beauty...This article is trying to tell you you'll be happy if you just have the right clothes...FALSE...Be a person, not just an outfit...etc. Her blog is fun, read it!

Read This...Seriously....

Ok, I know I've linked to her blog several times, but she's doing the work for me, so why repeat what she's already said, right? :)

So, I absolutely love what Kristen says about adoption here (and for some background, she's talking about what she wanted to say on the View about adoption, but unfortunately she just had a few minutes...but with that, she did great...I watched it today)!

My Girls...

So Ali is such a little girl...she will ONLY wear dresses, and I am not kidding. Every morning I try to get her in a cute non-dress outfit with absolutely no luck. The frillier, pinker, fancier the dress, the happier she is. Luckily, we have a wonderful thrift store so my little princess can prance around in Easter dresses to her heart's content without me worrying about how dirty/messed up the dress will get. (People like to laugh while Ali plays on a playground or in the dirt with a fancy dress on...but, hey, she's happy)!



Oh, and whatever Ava has done to her hair, Ali wants it, too, hence the headband in this picture, which of course she had to put on herself. So, when we start beads, I'm sure both my little girls will be sporting the colorful beads. Haha! So fun!



Ava is a RISK-TAKER...my mom likes to say that watching Ava means you literally have to watch her every second to keep her alive. She is only 16 months, but will stand at the top of the stairs and just step off...no matter how many "controlled" falls we have done with her...she just wants to go again. And she throws herself off the couch, headfirst, feet first, whatever she wants. She climbs EVERYTHING, and she's always moving. Can't wait to see how else she puts that energy into action as she continues to grow!



Despite her activity, we've come to an understanding about "hair time." She actually sits and lets me do it now (within reason...I did try some rows the other day and ended up in tears b/c they were so bad and I felt inadequate and Ava was OVER getting her hair yanked on...I guess I'll have to practice those more when she's older and can appreciate lollypops and movies). But I absolutely LOVE doing her hair. She's beautiful!

One Year Ago

One year ago today we got Ava's referral call...I can't even begin to relive that day without being pretty emotional. I told another adoptive parent friend the other day as I was working on Ava's lifebook that I feel like adoptive parenting is all the same emotions of biological motherhood (although developing differently, for those of you in process who also have biological children...it's a different experience, a different way of adding to your family, but no less miraculous) plus the added layer of emotions from adoptive motherhood. Maybe I'll explain in another post if I can.

We'll also be celebrating Afro-Colombian heritage day along with the nation of Colombia...that is tomorrow! I'm going to make empanadas, while not a traditional Afro-Colombian dish necessarily, and fried plantains. Yummy! I'll have to remember to take pictures and post how I do. Haha. It'll be fun!

I still can't believe it's been a year!!! Ava is our sunshine...I'll have to upload newer pictures from the camera...but here's some spring pictures of our happy, ENERGETIC, little girl!

Left Speechless

Ok, not really, but oh my goodness...Arizona...as if Virginia wasn't bad enough with this, you have to go and pass an even crazier law...not just a declaration filled with "whereas," but an honest to goodness law!

For those of you who don't enjoy news programming...Arizona's govenor, Jan Brewer, signed SB1070 (click this link for a thrilling read of the actual bill) into law in Arizona last Friday. This law makes it a crime to be out and about without immigration papers, and gives police power to detain anyone suspected of being here illegally. But don't worry, Jan Brewer said the police will be properly trained and racial profiling will not be tolerated. Really? How exactly do you enact this law without racially profiling an individual? And what does it mean to "look" like an American, by the way?

For an overview of the law, read here.

And I'll leave you with a quote related to our xenophobia that I used in a paper in grad school that analyzed another of Arizona's laws (this one relating to educational policy for immigrant students...I know you'll all be requesting a copy!)...I love this author and this particular essay is stellar...for those who live near, feel free to request to borrow the book of essays; don't worry, it's in English.

“The separation of one food from another is analogous to the reserve that characterizes the relations between sexes, races, and classes. In our countries food is communion, not only between those together at table but between ingredients; Yankee food, impregnated with Puritanism, is based on exclusions. The maniacal preoccupation with the purity and origin of food products has its counterpart in racism and exclusivism. The American contradiction—a democratic universalism based on ethnic, cultural, religious, and sexual exclusions—is reflected in its cuisine.”
Octavio Paz in essay entitled,
“Hygiene and Repression”

P.S. Adding what he said...Please note he does understand the magnitude of the immigration issue...he just doesn't agree Arizona has the right solution...

Another Interesting Link

Well...you can probably tell what I'm interested in, sociologically speaking, but here's an interesting conversation that I'll at least be reading for the next couple days (free mommy time is limited in this house since I have a 2 year old who DOESN'T NAP!). By the way, I read this and many other perspectives because I have to teach my daughter how to react to this ridiculous, maddening racism...the question is HOW? At least I have one definitive thing to worry about as a mom, ha!...all the rest of those mommy "fears" are still unknowns to a large extent. (Written tongue in cheek, of course, because I'd really like to learn how to trust God and not worry, considering that's something He's asked us to do.)

See a potential criminal in every black person (at the blog Stuff White People Do)

Easter

Noticing

So, I've had a few conversations with people who wonder whether or not young kids should be taught explicitly about race...and I think it's mostly a white privilege to have to wonder about that. In the reading I've done about transracial adoption and anti-racist parenting/living, it's hugely important to talk about race and differences from the beginning. Ignoring does more harm than good. It's been interesting the past few weeks because Ali has been noticing colors more in her environment. And while we talk about colors and skin-colors and how beautiful all the skin colors in our family are, she hasn't really cared before. But now, she loves pointing out that Ava's skin is brown and Ava has black hair. The funny thing is Ali was saying she had white skin...so I had to correct that. I know, I know, not like my girls will understand the difference between a racial label (like black and white) and actual skin color for a while, but I want both of them to at least be able to describe each other accurately now so that we can have that abstract conversation about societal labels later on in their lives. So, I'm teaching Ali her skin is peach or sandy tan. She's likes saying it's peach. And she loves comparing skin tones in books, which leads me to the following book suggestions...some will be for later (a little bit too long for a 2 year old), but I highly recommend them, for all families, regardless of the make-up of your family.

All The Colors We Are (bonus that it's a bilingual book) by Katie Kissinger
The Skin You Live In (Ali LOVES this one) by Michael Tyler
Let's Talk About Race by Julius Lester

Gag Me!!!!!

I'm sorry if you agree with this link, don't take offense to the throw up in my mouth after reading it...I just definitely DO NOT agree with it. I'm researching right now for a series of posts I'm planning on doing about my personal views of women's roles in church, home, life in general...I've had some really funny/frustrating conversations lately that make me really want to do these posts. :) Even though in a few months I will be kicking it old school and staying home, I'm NOT staying home because I believe it is a Biblical mandate...more on that later. (I'm actually kind of reluctant about staying home b/c I really, really disagree that it is a "thou shalt" for women, but my life is about to fit the stereotype of those who do believe it is a "thou shalt.") Ok...enough for now. Read the link. And if you really want to laugh and don't have much time, scroll down to the "What's a Christian Mother To Do All Day?" section where it gives 42 suggestions...I laughed out loud!

Should a Christian Mother Work Outside the Home?

Interesting Link

Here's a link to a woman's blog called "Rage Against the Minivan." Her blog is great; I love reading it, so if you're looking for some more reading material, check her out. But this post in particular just broke my heart...and she expressed so eloquently why we should ALL be talking to our kids about race, regardless of whether we're an interracial family or not!

Little Bigots at Basketball

Defiance

My daughter, Ali, is STRONG WILLED...and I know, I know, I have no one to blame but myself...but oh my goodness! You'd think that as strong-willed as I am she wouldn't stand a chance, but it's almost as if it's her full time job to come up with battle plans against which I don't stand a chance. Seriously. I have a million stories about this...(don't EVER tell me you can train a child to sleep if you don't happen to parent a strong-willed child)...but we won't go with a sleep story...how about an "every time I'm in a parking lot" story?

Ali HATES having to hold my hand to cross streets, so if I'm not lucky enough to find a spot that does not require crossing the street, I either have to:

a. get out the stroller and strap her in it (which might seem like the simplest solution, but some places we go have no place to store a stroller, we won't need it while we're there, etc.)

b. get stuck holding Ava, diaper bag (sometimes 2), purse, anything else we need, and clutching Ali's hand like her life depends on it (which it does) sometimes in the middle of the street b/c she refuses to budge, I can't pick her up, and I can't let go of her hand b/c she will dash into the street. Last Sunday at church, an older lady came up to help us, sometimes its a teen I work with, sometimes a stranger who then proceeds to give me UNWANTED parenting advice. Thank you to the lady who glibly told me maybe I need to change my routine! That little piece of advice helped SO MUCH (not)! But I did appreciate the older lady who encouraged me by telling me that she had one like Ali who's now grown and flies F-18's or some such jet (can't remember the exact letter-numeral combo)...uh, not sure I want Ali to go from peril crossing the street to peril in the skies, but I do want her to turn her strong will toward helping others, that's for sure! I guess I just appreciated the lack of judgment from her...she got it.

So all I can do is pray...pray that I will be patient, wise and strong. Pray that Ali's defiance will be turned to defiance at things that make God angry, things that need to be changed in our world, things that harm people, that she will take that strong will and apply it to doing God's will. Found this prayer the other day, and it's perfect:

"May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace." A Franciscan Benediction

Celebrating Ava

Our precious daughter is one now...this was my first birthday celebration with her, and what a joy it was. We're stretching it out...from Sunday to Saturday! I walked into her room on the morning of her first birthday and smiled at her smile, hugged her and kissed her and wanted to cry! What a blessing she is to our family. I wasn't there at her birth, and I wanted to cry for her first mom...the mother who gave her life. I kissed her a million times on Sunday for her first mom, and I know I will do that all her life.

L,

I prayed for you on Sunday, like I do most days...but especially on Sunday.
I don't know if you cried that day, but I want you to know that we cherish you.
We pray for you.
The joy I feel is all mixed up in the sorrow I imagine you will feel your whole life.
I just want you to know that I love, love, love Ava Manuela, our precious treasure.
I honor you this week and always.

A Good Day

That's what today was.

As I stepped onto the elliptical machine at the YMCA,

and my children played (at least somewhat) happily in the Child Watch center,

I had to literally choke back tears of joy...

That I could again exercise to something other than workout DVDs hoping my kids didn't wake up in the middle of said workout DVDs...

That I wasn't walking the same 2 mile stretch of sidewalk in our neighborhood pushing the girls in a stroller while they fight/cry/whine...

I love you YMCA.

I caught up on actually listening to some music.

Derek Webb, to be specific (I know, I'm behind!)...

And the lyrics to one of his songs (all of which I loved, BTW, you might see a few other lyrics pop up in the next few weeks) nearly made me laugh out loud...

From "A King & A Kingdom" by Derek Webb

there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him

my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom

What a good day!!!

Adorable

Chocolate anyone?

Sometimes I hate reading...because it means I'm going to have to change something. This is the latest book I'm reading:



Well, it's pretty convicting...and I already hate that my consumeristic, materialistic, and greedy lifestyle as an American shopper is so pervasive and darn hard to kick...aaahhh...well, this book just kicks that into overdrive by reminding me that my daily decisions have global impact.

Today, it's chocolate. So that chocolate chip cookie I just ate with my daughter most likely was produced in part on the backs of children slaving with no rest when they should be eating chocolate chip cookies with their mothers. Doing more research, I found that basically, if I recognize the maker of the chocolate I'm buying, they most likely use cocoa beans produced in Ivory Coast, and, therefore, are tainted by child slavery. Soooo...I guess I'll be buying my chocolate from the internet from now on. Darn-it. I'm going to admit it...I'm lazy and I LOVE chocolate...not being able to get it from the local, easy to use, grocery store will suck. But not as much as the lives of those kids far away suck...so I'll suck it up for that fact alone.

See here Is There Slavery in Your Chocolate and here Stop Chocolate Slavery for more information. Or read the book I'm reading if you want...I'll loan it out so you can endure self-recrimination like me. (BTW...I can't figure out the hyperlink thing and don't want to try at the moment, so just copy and paste.)