Changes

I haven't posted much lately because my life has been full to overflowing with changes...and I've given myself time to adjust. Having Ava home is beautiful...she is beautiful. Adopting her has changed my life in so many ways it is difficult to put into words. Having given birth and adopted now I sometimes find myself thinking about the similarities and differences. Of course, becoming a mother in itself is a change, but adopting not only made me a mother for the second time, it has added a layer of emotion that might not have existed had I "simply" (or not so simply in our case) given birth to our second child. I cannot even begin to describe the complexity of my emotions at this point, but maybe I'll be motivated to try as I pick back up with blogging (a little bit at least, or when I'm lucky enough to have the girls correspond their napping times and I'm not wiped and napping with them!).

I think the biggest thing I feel is a strong connection and compassion and overwhelming gratefulness to Ava's first mom...and then I feel a mix of complete joy that I get to parent Ava and complete sadness that our world is a place where women are forced to make adoption plans for their children. Adoption is necessary because we experience loss in our world. People keep comparing our adopting to what God did for us, but I don't think the analogy quite fits. We were God's to begin with...He took us back after we turned on Him. Ava was not mine to begin with. I am not her first parent. I am her second. But there is room in my heart to embrace Ava and her birth family, and I know there is room in Ava's heart to love me and love her birth family, if she so chooses. It is amazing the human capacity for love, and also amazing our capacity to harm others, ignore injustices and human suffering, continue to live selfishly, and justify our behavior. Like I said...way too many emotions swirling in my head...I'll get them out and sort them out little by little. As I do so, I know that God will show me which emotions are godly and which aren't...

Some amusing changes I've thought of the past few weeks:
1. I now wash an obscene amount of bottles and sippy cups.
2. It takes me over an hour to even be close to being ready to leave the house for anything.
3. At 5 p.m. I feel like it should be 10 p.m.
4. At 7 a.m. I feel like it is still 4 a.m.
5. My favorite change: instead of one amazing daughter, I have two amazing, beautiful daughters who are my delight, even in my most tired moments.
6. Oh yeah...my house is perpetually in a state of disarray and in desperate need of cleaning. Maybe when the girls go to college I'll get to that again. :)

Ava is quite possibly the happiest baby alive! We LOVE her smile!


The girls before bed one night. Ali is doing AMAZING. She really loves to help with Ava (which is sometimes not so helpful). :)


Me and my sweet Ava.