Adorable

Chocolate anyone?

Sometimes I hate reading...because it means I'm going to have to change something. This is the latest book I'm reading:



Well, it's pretty convicting...and I already hate that my consumeristic, materialistic, and greedy lifestyle as an American shopper is so pervasive and darn hard to kick...aaahhh...well, this book just kicks that into overdrive by reminding me that my daily decisions have global impact.

Today, it's chocolate. So that chocolate chip cookie I just ate with my daughter most likely was produced in part on the backs of children slaving with no rest when they should be eating chocolate chip cookies with their mothers. Doing more research, I found that basically, if I recognize the maker of the chocolate I'm buying, they most likely use cocoa beans produced in Ivory Coast, and, therefore, are tainted by child slavery. Soooo...I guess I'll be buying my chocolate from the internet from now on. Darn-it. I'm going to admit it...I'm lazy and I LOVE chocolate...not being able to get it from the local, easy to use, grocery store will suck. But not as much as the lives of those kids far away suck...so I'll suck it up for that fact alone.

See here Is There Slavery in Your Chocolate and here Stop Chocolate Slavery for more information. Or read the book I'm reading if you want...I'll loan it out so you can endure self-recrimination like me. (BTW...I can't figure out the hyperlink thing and don't want to try at the moment, so just copy and paste.)

Sick Day Boo Boo

So, Ali woke up this morning decidedly NOT chipper and cheerful

sneezing green snot,

soooo, no daycare, no work...

I attempted to clean during little A's morning nap whilst Ali watched Dora.

Attempt failed.

Toy fell behind our shoe bin,

and in a moment of high energy I bent over to rescue said toy...

...and my forehead caught the window sill

and I now have a 2 inch gash down my forehead.

Lovely. (For the record...I cried, but managed not to curse...do I get a cookie?)

Pete actually laughed out loud when he came home tonight.

I wonder what everyone else will do?

Oh...and just to further enforce for you my total loss of sophistication

I have been too lazy the past week to actually bring soap downstairs to my shower

and I have been showering with a Dora loufah and grape scented Dora bodywash!

Yay for motherhood. I love it.

Everyday Conversations...

How to start? I honestly am not sure whether or not to post things like this, but it is so relevant to our lives...Being who we now are as a family, you can probably imagine we get a lot of interesting looks/stares, whatever you want to call them. We also get a lot of comments; a LOT of comments. It has blown my mind. Pete and I were talking about it this morning after leaving the restaurant where we went for breakfast (bringing along Ava, of course...Ali was in preschool). We got more than the usual amount of stares, although maybe it's just because I was paying more attention than I usually do when I'm out by myself with a 2 year old and an 8 month old...not much time to pay attention. In the 3 short months we've been Ava's parents, I've already become somewhat accustomed to the stares, but NOT the comments. What makes people so rude/ignorant/racist/just plain stupid???? That's what I want to know! Pete and I did so much reading before our adoption, and we *knew* what we were going to experience, but the firsthand experience of it is a shocker, let me tell you. And the sad, sad, SAD thing is that Ava and others who share her skin tone have to deal with racism all the time. Because Pete and I are white in a racially conscious society where whites have inherent privilege, we could have blissfully ignored race and racism our entire lives. AAHHHHH...the craziness of even saying that blows my mind. Still learning here, but the necessity of learning to be anti-racist has picked up for me and for Pete. Anyway, no need to rehash some of the nastier comments I've received...how about a funny one?

At a restaurant that we decided to go to at the last minute (i.e.: I had no desire to cook dinner)...As we were finishing dinner, another family in the booth next to us started saying hi because our kids and their kids were playing peek-a-boo over the booth.

Little blond boy (about 4) to me (holding Ava): Her skin is black. Mine is white.
Me: That's right. Isn't it cool how God made us all differently?
Little blond boy: Why is her skin black and mine white?
Me: Well, her skin is actually dark brown and (holding up a white napkin), is your skin really "white"? It looks more like a really light brown to me.
Little blond boy: Oh, yeah. Huh.
Me: We all have something called melanin in our skin. Some people like Ava just have more than other people like you and I have. I think your skin and her skin are both just beautiful, don't you?
Little blond boy: Yeah, that's cool.
Father of boy jumps in, shushing his son: Sorry about that. He's gotten really curious about differences lately.
Me: That's ok, it's normal!
Father: Yeah, it's funny, every time he sees a (and he whispers the next 2 words, leaning closer so we can hear) "black man" on TV, he points at him and says "Look, daddy, it's Obama."

Me...okay, actually, I didn't exactly know what to say. This is what went through my head...

1. Why did you whisper "black man"? What's that teaching your children? To be afraid? That race is taboo? That you're breaking the "color-blind" rule you've set? (Don't get me started on that and comments along those lines.)
2. We live in a DIVERSE area...is TV the only exposure your kids get to people of other ethnicities?
3. Wow, we live in a city where you see literally thousands of "Obamas" everyday. You don't know any of their names?

Not sure what else to say about the conversation...like I said, a funnier one, but still somewhat disturbing. Maybe I'll keep posting our interesting conversations. But seriously, I have come to realize that it's harder than I thought. I think for me the hardest thing is constantly having Ava's and my relationship questioned. I could have hugged the doctor we saw yesterday (had to make a sick appointment for some skin issues Ava's had since Colombia, so we didn't see our normal doc)...he complimented me for being so trim for having just had a baby. I almost laughed out loud. But it still made me so happy. I am Ava's mommy (even if strangers don't recognize it)!

The Question

One of the most common questions I get is about how Ali is doing with a new little sister...and I honestly have to answer that she's doing GREAT! Obviously, we have moments, but they are small and not nearly what I was expecting. I must say it makes me want to pause life when I see Ali being sweet with Ava...my heart is so full in those moments. When Ali wakes up, the first thing she asks is about Ava (who she calls "Ra-ra" b/c we're still working on saying words with her). She likes to hold her hand, give her hugs and kisses, help with her bottles, and fetch toys for her. So, in answer to the question...Ali is doing wonderfully!

Changes

I haven't posted much lately because my life has been full to overflowing with changes...and I've given myself time to adjust. Having Ava home is beautiful...she is beautiful. Adopting her has changed my life in so many ways it is difficult to put into words. Having given birth and adopted now I sometimes find myself thinking about the similarities and differences. Of course, becoming a mother in itself is a change, but adopting not only made me a mother for the second time, it has added a layer of emotion that might not have existed had I "simply" (or not so simply in our case) given birth to our second child. I cannot even begin to describe the complexity of my emotions at this point, but maybe I'll be motivated to try as I pick back up with blogging (a little bit at least, or when I'm lucky enough to have the girls correspond their napping times and I'm not wiped and napping with them!).

I think the biggest thing I feel is a strong connection and compassion and overwhelming gratefulness to Ava's first mom...and then I feel a mix of complete joy that I get to parent Ava and complete sadness that our world is a place where women are forced to make adoption plans for their children. Adoption is necessary because we experience loss in our world. People keep comparing our adopting to what God did for us, but I don't think the analogy quite fits. We were God's to begin with...He took us back after we turned on Him. Ava was not mine to begin with. I am not her first parent. I am her second. But there is room in my heart to embrace Ava and her birth family, and I know there is room in Ava's heart to love me and love her birth family, if she so chooses. It is amazing the human capacity for love, and also amazing our capacity to harm others, ignore injustices and human suffering, continue to live selfishly, and justify our behavior. Like I said...way too many emotions swirling in my head...I'll get them out and sort them out little by little. As I do so, I know that God will show me which emotions are godly and which aren't...

Some amusing changes I've thought of the past few weeks:
1. I now wash an obscene amount of bottles and sippy cups.
2. It takes me over an hour to even be close to being ready to leave the house for anything.
3. At 5 p.m. I feel like it should be 10 p.m.
4. At 7 a.m. I feel like it is still 4 a.m.
5. My favorite change: instead of one amazing daughter, I have two amazing, beautiful daughters who are my delight, even in my most tired moments.
6. Oh yeah...my house is perpetually in a state of disarray and in desperate need of cleaning. Maybe when the girls go to college I'll get to that again. :)

Ava is quite possibly the happiest baby alive! We LOVE her smile!


The girls before bed one night. Ali is doing AMAZING. She really loves to help with Ava (which is sometimes not so helpful). :)


Me and my sweet Ava.

Favorite Pics of Ava!