Confessions

I am sometimes self-conscious about the way I look. There, I said it. But I think most girls probably are, right? And having just had a baby, my self-consciousness is at an abnormal high. And being in a bathing suit that didn't exactly fit all week on vacation didn't help. And the fact that only a very few clothes of mine fit doesn't help either. Thankfully my love affair with jeans for my entire life has guaranteed me some faithful standby pairs due to owning way too many jeans in a variety of sizes.

I was thinking this week, though, that I want to be careful about how I think about myself b/c I am a model to my girls. And whether or not I feel good about my weight or what I currently look like affects my girls! My identity rests in Jesus Christ, not in what I weigh, what size I wear, my hairstyle, my clothes, my face, etc...passing on the peace and self-confidence that can only come from a solid understanding of who I am as a daughter of God is so very important to me...and how can I teach that to my girls without deeply and truly believing it myself? So...I will NOT listen to the lies that tell me I have to be skinnier, own more stylish clothes, have perfect skin, etc. Even right now, when I'm obsessing (yes, it's true) about losing baby weight. Stop obsessing, Emily, stop! (That's a little self-talk for you...haha!)

And, after all...even if I don't lose all the baby weight...just look at them. Aren't they worth it? I am beyond blessed and so grateful for my 3 beautiful daughters!!!!

I like small butts and I cannot lie...

...come on, you know you're singing now!

When I was teaching middle school, one of the things I enjoyed the most was the running commentary I got on my appearance from "tween girls" who didn't really edit themselves too much.

"Ms. Johnson, you shoulda worn your black shoes today with that outfit." (I only had 2 pairs of shoes I wore...a brown pair and a black pair.)

"Ms. Johnson, did you get your eyebrows done?" (Why, do they need it or something?)

"Oooo...Ms. Johnson, you got your ears pierced again."

"Ms. Johnson, why don't you ever wear your hair down?" (Ummm, cuz school starts at 7:15 in the morning, which in case you haven't noticed is WAY.TOO.EARLY to wake up with enough time to blow dry my hair!!)

"Ms. Johnson, are you one of those white girls who's really skinny but thinks she's fat. Cuz you're really skinny." (No joke...this made me laugh out loud in class.)

And the best ever: "Ms. Johnson, you know they make padded jeans so your butt could look bigger. I have a catalog if you want." (I laughed here, too. This came out of nowhere, people.)

But the above quote leads me to the title of this post...

Luckily, Kylah takes after me and has (an apparently) small booty...because that's how she came out, butt first. Yes, she was breech and no, we didn't know until I was pushing. Pushing, people. The midwife checked me at that moment and said, "Oh sh*t. She's breech." If I were the curse-out-loud type I think I would have said something like, "No sh*t!!!" As it was, at that moment, I didn't even curse in my head. The room filled, I was put on a gurney and rolled to the O.R. Let's just say I was not the poster girl for a natural birth at the moment. I cringe to think that anyone might have seen me being rolled naked, screaming, and in general freaking out on the short ride to the O.R. I didn't even have time to think about much, other than the question of how in the world they could c-section me at this late moment...they quickly informed me I would be pushing the baby out...and push I did. 5 minutes after my arrival in the O.R., Kylah was born...small butt first, head last!

Pete likes to say the whole thing reminded him of a movie. My labor started at 3 a.m. Saturday. I let Pete sleep because he had just returned from a week long camping trip with students at 10 p.m. Friday. Around 6 a.m. I texted Lauren (best friend ever) to see if she would go for a walk with me. I didn't want to believe I was in labor yet...contractions would go from 10-12 minutes apart to 7 minutes apart and back to 10 minutes apart until Paul & Lauren took Ali and Ava to their house around 9 a.m. Then immediately my contractions were 5 minutes apart and closing. An hour later I told Pete I felt like I was pushing. (So much for the directions of 5 minute apart contractions for 2 hours before you even call the midwives to let them know you're in labor!)

Enter panic mode for Pete...he rushed to pack the car. I barely made the walk to our driveway to get in the car, and I SCREAMED all the way to the hospital with back to back contractions. Then I sat in a wheel chair in front of the hospital SCREAMING while Pete parked the car. A stranger came up to walk into the hospital and held my hand. Turned out he was the chaplain. God bless him. Pete came, pushed me to the elevator. Some poor dude just had to get on with us. Me, yep, still SCREAMING. Pete rolled me into the birthing center while I yelled...get me drugs, I give up, give me a c-section NOW! The midwife told them to stop filling the tub; I think they could take one look at me and know I was about to deliver. So...yeah, not the poster girl for a natural birth. From what I hear, some women are actually peaceful when they are in labor...not sure how that's possible.

They quickly checked me and I was 8 cm...they must not have checked for too long, because the whole "she's breech" thing wasn't caught then...not until 20 minutes later when I was pushing. We were at the hospital maybe 30 minutes before Kylah was born. When I said I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, I didn't quite mean to cut it that close...but, well, everything was ok. The actual birth wasn't what we expected, but Kylah is healthy and I'm doing well.

So, there you go...I like small butts and I cannot lie...

Full Heart, Full Hands

When Pete and I started trying to grow our family four and a half years ago, I never dreamed I would be blessed in the way I have been by EACH of my precious children. My heart is overflowing with love for these beautiful daughters of mine and I cannot begin to put into words everything that has happened in our hearts during the years we have been praying for these girls. For now, enjoy the pics!!! This surprise third blessing especially taught me a lot about trusting in God's timing and His plan...enjoy the pics. Ali and Ava love (most of the time, haha), their little sister, Kylah Zoe.

Oh Girls...

...we can be crazy cool and insane!!! Bear with me for a tangent for a moment...one of the oh so many reasons I LOVE my husband is that he is totally cool with having all daughters. He tells people he loves raising girls because the world needs more strong women like me (not so sure about that myself, but I feel loved by the comment)! When we were dating in college, I vividly remember a conversation he stumbled into with my roomie (love you, Lauren) and another (ahem, feminist) friend of mine...we were talking about choices and women and careers...and Pete totally just went with it. I like to think he'd call himself a feminist (although he'd probably define it for you...as in, he's not one of the radical, political types...and neither am I, for the record). But, my wonderful husband is an egalitarian (for those who know what I mean)...and that is COOL, considering he married one. Haha!

So, some crazy and cool links...I have to credit my husband (hence the ode to him above)...he found these links (for those who don't know...he works with teens and actually does research teen culture...and sends me interesting links...which we subsequently discuss over dinner with our still very young girls...who will someday, I know, roll their eyes at us).

High Heels for Babies...oh.my.goodness. Seriously? I mean, I know it's probably meant to be a gag gift, but wow. We want to indoctrinate our little baby girls ALREADY into thinking that beauty trumps all? Who cares if it's uncomfortable? Who cares if it's completely, ridiculously impracticable? Who cares if it sends the message that we better be "in style" or else, whatever that means? Side note about heels coming up...

(So in Colombia, I read that sometimes at a teen's 15th birthday party, the birthday girl starts the party in flats and then her dad gives her her first pair of heels to mark her becoming a woman, so to speak. Well, we thought that was a cool idea, until we both laughed at the fact that I NEVER wear heels (WAY too uncomfortable and fashion has NEVER been worth that to me)...so I think the gesture might be somewhat amusing to our girls.)

Anyway...

Twilight Addictions (and before you say you're not a "Twi-hard"...I have the same beef with being overly addicted to "chick flicks" or any similar genre which pushes unrealistic relationships)...look at what people are doing for Eclipse! Insane!

And then a last REALLY COOL girl...who's just graduated high school. I love, love, love it that she's picking on a magazine that I abhor for many of the same reasons she picks on it...when girls on our trip buy such magazines, Pete and I usually have fun writing little comments to them in the magazines when they're not looking, such as "She's airbrushed...She's pushing a false standard of beauty...This article is trying to tell you you'll be happy if you just have the right clothes...FALSE...Be a person, not just an outfit...etc. Her blog is fun, read it!

Read This...Seriously....

Ok, I know I've linked to her blog several times, but she's doing the work for me, so why repeat what she's already said, right? :)

So, I absolutely love what Kristen says about adoption here (and for some background, she's talking about what she wanted to say on the View about adoption, but unfortunately she just had a few minutes...but with that, she did great...I watched it today)!

My Girls...

So Ali is such a little girl...she will ONLY wear dresses, and I am not kidding. Every morning I try to get her in a cute non-dress outfit with absolutely no luck. The frillier, pinker, fancier the dress, the happier she is. Luckily, we have a wonderful thrift store so my little princess can prance around in Easter dresses to her heart's content without me worrying about how dirty/messed up the dress will get. (People like to laugh while Ali plays on a playground or in the dirt with a fancy dress on...but, hey, she's happy)!



Oh, and whatever Ava has done to her hair, Ali wants it, too, hence the headband in this picture, which of course she had to put on herself. So, when we start beads, I'm sure both my little girls will be sporting the colorful beads. Haha! So fun!



Ava is a RISK-TAKER...my mom likes to say that watching Ava means you literally have to watch her every second to keep her alive. She is only 16 months, but will stand at the top of the stairs and just step off...no matter how many "controlled" falls we have done with her...she just wants to go again. And she throws herself off the couch, headfirst, feet first, whatever she wants. She climbs EVERYTHING, and she's always moving. Can't wait to see how else she puts that energy into action as she continues to grow!



Despite her activity, we've come to an understanding about "hair time." She actually sits and lets me do it now (within reason...I did try some rows the other day and ended up in tears b/c they were so bad and I felt inadequate and Ava was OVER getting her hair yanked on...I guess I'll have to practice those more when she's older and can appreciate lollypops and movies). But I absolutely LOVE doing her hair. She's beautiful!

One Year Ago

One year ago today we got Ava's referral call...I can't even begin to relive that day without being pretty emotional. I told another adoptive parent friend the other day as I was working on Ava's lifebook that I feel like adoptive parenting is all the same emotions of biological motherhood (although developing differently, for those of you in process who also have biological children...it's a different experience, a different way of adding to your family, but no less miraculous) plus the added layer of emotions from adoptive motherhood. Maybe I'll explain in another post if I can.

We'll also be celebrating Afro-Colombian heritage day along with the nation of Colombia...that is tomorrow! I'm going to make empanadas, while not a traditional Afro-Colombian dish necessarily, and fried plantains. Yummy! I'll have to remember to take pictures and post how I do. Haha. It'll be fun!

I still can't believe it's been a year!!! Ava is our sunshine...I'll have to upload newer pictures from the camera...but here's some spring pictures of our happy, ENERGETIC, little girl!