creciendo en nuestro corazon

Can't Decide

2011-10-08T17:28:00.001-07:00

So...I obviously haven't been active here lately. Between support raising for our move into missions in Mexico, 3 kids, and maintaining a multitude of other social media, including our other blog...I just can't decide whether to maintain this blog. And I think my indecision has led to a decision...I'll keep the site I suppose for a while, but for now, all of our blogging is occurring on our "Missions" blog. Pete and I both post there, so it's a different type. Anyway...just wanted to let the maybe 2 of you out here still that we're over here. :)

2011-05-26T17:49:00.000-07:00

So...this is the family picture we ended up with:

After...a million of these types of family pictures...and threats of time-out, and finally a bribe of a cookie).

Aahhh...the joys of vacation and family photos. But, for real...it was an AMAZING vacation. My parents took us to Lake Tahoe, and we went hiking every day. Beautiful.

Positive Adoption Language

2011-04-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I know that pretty much every adoptive parent who blogs has probably posted about this, but, I don't know, maybe it just helps us process and articulate positive adoption language so we know what to say when people use negative words in front of our kids, you know? Anyway...just wanted to post about a few comments...

To start with, this post wasn't sparked by any one conversation with any one person...just sort of a collective sum of a lot of conversations over the past almost 2 years...and second, if you have said these things to me, you're in good company, a lot of people have, and please know that I know you probably mean well and don't mean them to be negative. But also know that I really want Ava to know that I value her so much that I won't shy away from hard conversations with people I love so that she can begin to understand how to respond to hard situations with grace, but also with truth. Words are important. After all, with any child (biological or adopted) we don't talk about certain things in certain ways because we don't want them to learn to talk about whatever the topic is in crude language or in a way that might hurt them; the same with adoption.

So, one of the most common comments I get that is annoying to me (and many other adoptive parent, btw) is "Oooh...she's so cute, I want one," sometimes it's said even more bluntly: "Oooh...she's so cute, I want a black baby." As if I adopted her because of her skin color. I didn't. I didn't adopt her in spite of her skin color either. I adopted Ava....Ava is cute, Ava is beautiful. She's not an object to be collected. I mean, I am her mom, and of course she's pretty much the cutest two year old ever...but, all babies/toddlers/children are beautiful people...and a big thing that moms of black boys especially talk about is the age when people stop saying they're cute and when people start thinking of them as black men...who experience so much racism and prejudice. Cute babies grow up. We have to be prepared to parent them and give them what they need to have strong and positive racial identities in a society that will categorize them based on their skin color. I have never had someone comment about Kylah's cuteness or Ali's cuteness and then follow that with an "I want one" comment. I don't know, maybe other people do get that type of comment with their biological children? Anyway...I'd much prefer comments to the effect of: "Ava is adorable; what a blessing; She's cute..." You don't need to follow up with some sort of "I want" comment. You can mention you'd like to grow your family by adoption if you are really interested in it! If you adopt in the future or seriously enter into the pre-adoption process, awesome...we can talk then.

Second...please don't ever say we "bought a baby" or you want to "buy a baby." We did not buy Ava anymore than we bought our biological children. We paid for services (and by we...I mean that to include more than just Pete and me because it was so many of us together who made it possible for Ava to become a Johnson)...we paid a lawyer, we paid an adoption agency to file our paperwork, translate it, mail it to Colombia, we paid USCIS for visas, we paid the workers at the orphanage who held Ava and fed her for the first months of her life, we paid money to the government in Colombia who ensures that all adoptions are legal, we paid a charitable fee to the orphanage so they can run cool programs like the maternity home which teaches moms job skills and offers counseling so they can choose to parent if they want to and the orphanage also feeds and schools and counsels a TON of kids who don't get adopted...so, yeah, I mean we got way "more for our money" (if you want to think of it that way) than we did for our biological children. I paid a doctor to deliver them. I paid the hospital, I paid for pre-birth care, etc. And actually, insurance paid a lot, too, right...I mean, we paid our co-pays (and side note...we so clocked in for Kylah's birth to make sure we were in the hospital less than 24 hours so we didn't get another co-pay for a second day, lol.)

Ok...enough said I think. And I just want to say again...if you're reading this and happen to have said something similar...please know that I love you, and I'm not mad; I just needed to work out what to say...Ava is beginning to understand what is said. In her best interest, I have to respond to comments like the above.

Bikes, Braids, and Babysitting

2011-03-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

BIKES: Our eldest 2 children now own tricycles (thanks to Mimi and Grandpa!)...and it's so fun to watch them ride them. About the cutest thing ever actually! And for you locals, yes, we know we broke rules at Botanical Gardens...but I don't think our kids were breaking any speed rules on their trikes...and I think tricycles should be excluded from the "NO BIKE" policy. Just saying.

BRAIDS: Ok, ya'll...give me some comment love because I did cornrows in Ava's hair. For those who have never met her...the amazing thing is not the fact that I have learned to cornrow...it's that she actually sat still long enough for 2. We'll see when she'll sit still for more...but I'm practicing. And if I do say so, I think her hair is looking awesome these days!

Ali took this picture of me doing Ava's hair. Ali LOVES to take pictures...and she actually has managed to get some good ones. Thank goodness for digital film, though, right?

This is just here because Kylah is quite possibly the cutest baby ever. And you just had to see her! She is still so zen. God knew I needed an easy baby!!

And for the BABYSITTING part...well...everywhere I go lately I've been asked...wow, you have your hands full...are you babysitting? Ummm...nope. They're all mine. And I am so BLESSED!

VIP Passes

2011-02-08T18:49:00.000-08:00

So Pete and I got free tickets to a pre-screening of the movie Soul Surfer tonight...and I have a confession to make...I didn't want to go. Because my general impression of "Christian" movies is, well, let's just say not good. To be fair, I am kind of a movie-a-holic...so, to stack up as a good movie against all the ones I've seen is tough. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the messages, it's just when the delivery is sub-par and we're supposed to get all excited about it...I just can't do it!

(I know, I know, my closest friends are saying right now as they read this...ummm, Emily, your favorite movie used to be Love and Basketball. That's my deep dark secret...not so deep and dark anymore...plus I've moved up in my sophistication...favorite current movie...The Chorus...boom...foreign film, I'm cool right?)

The one thing going for this film is that I am a sucker for underdog sport movies. Meaning, I cry at all sports movies...yes, all of them. I don't cry at any other type of movie, seriously. I don't even really like chick-flicks. But I devour any type of sports movie. Sometimes I cry in sport related commercials. (Disclaimer...I did used to be an athlete, so maybe it's the nostalgia, memories, whatever...)

Anyway, we went. We were waiting in the lobby of the theater with a bunch of other people and the head guy came in and was like, "All you waiting for the special pre-screening come this way" and this lady walks up to me and Pete and asks how you get free passes to pre-screenings of films. We felt cool, oh yeah! :) Totally worth it right there.

And then, wham...bonus...the movie was actually GREAT! Highly recommended. I cried. (But it was a sports movie.) And you know what, I now identify with the parents in movies. What in the world? You'd have thought I'd have realized I'm a parent by now, right, so that would mean I might identify with other parents.

Oh, and last random thought...the girl who plays Bethany Hamilton...AnnaSophia Robb...we almost named Ali that...but went with Aliana Sophia instead. Anyway...yes, our daughter has an almost movie star name (and we didn't know that when we named her, btw).

The fine print/post script/whatever you want to call it: The movie is about surfers in Hawaii, so there are bathing suits (ok, bikinis) in it. Just thought I'd save you a visit to screenit.com. If I hear one Christian judge, I mean complain, I mean "be concerned" about that and miss the whole point of the movie...man, will you hear my rant on this blog. I mean...just kidding, cuz I'd hate to judge back. Haha! No one's perfect, right?

Initial thoughts...

2011-01-31T16:16:00.000-08:00

...on returning home from our trip to Mexico:

We currently live in a very clean mansion and I love good water pressure in the shower.

But in all seriousness...our trip was great! Pete and I have started a blog about our missions journey. And it's sure to be up-to-date because Pete has figured out he enjoys blogging and set up a lot of the pages on the new blog! Do us a favor and check it out here: Manna in the Desert, and then give us feedback...let us know if there are any ways you think it could improve! :) Also, we've been putting a lot of our story on the blog in various pages and more about what we'll be doing in Mexico! Enjoy!

Wow...a needed reminder...

2011-01-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

I have no idea how many people actually read this blog...I don't blog too much, but it's kind of a new goal to blog more often (like once a week or so)...but more about that in a minute.

For those reading who don't talk to us IRL on a regular basis, we've made some life-altering decisions...as in, we're now missionary candidates with TEAM to Mexico! I'm sooooo excited and can't wait to share more of our journey because God has been doing some amazing things and answering prayer in some big ways, but for tonight, Oswald Chambers has been reminding me of the responsibility I have to obey God no matter what.

If, however, we obey God, He will care for those who have suffered the consequences of our obedience. We must simply obey and leave all the consequences with Him. Beware of the inclination to dictate to God what consequences you would allow as a condition of your obedience to Him. (Click the link to read the whole entry.)

All that because we had some meetings with TEAM last week, and I came away encouraged and excited from all of them except the missionary kid education one...in fact, I came away from that one thinking, "Oh, crap, we're going to screw up our kids!" But I guess we're all destined to do that in one way or another, right? Fallen people raising fallen kids...praise God for His redemption!!!

So...back to my goal to post more...we're going to Mexico next week (Friday)....NEXT WEEK. Yay...we'll take tons of pictures and I will return excited to share about what's going on in the ministry site we're hoping to become a part of...so, I think we're going to start a new blog just for our missions stuff...on which, I will post once a week...keep me honest, ok, everyone! :) That's the plan anyway!

New Blog Love

2010-12-26T16:25:00.000-08:00

In case you need a new funny and honest and real blog to read...her latest post is a repost with the title "Missionaries probably shouldn't be jealous of strippers:
But sometimes they are."

Sing with me...

2010-12-21T17:02:00.000-08:00

...(to the tune of the Mickey Mouse song):

J-U-D

G-E-M

E-N-T-A-L!

Here's the story...

So, about 2 weeks ago, we took a family outing to have Kylah's ears pierced. (She looks precious, by the way...but I'm lame and lazy about actually uploading pics, so you'll just have to picture the cutest baby ever, now with earrings, ok?)

In the store, because I'm a wimp about holding my kids down while others inflict pain, Pete was drafted to hold Kylah while the Claire's technician marked where the earrings would go. I started to browse the store with Ali and Ava...Ali, by the way, was in little girl heaven! Oh my, what have I done?

So, you know those loud-cell-phone-talkers that annoy you in public places? There was one in Claire's 2 weeks ago, and she decided to start telling whoever it was she was talking to all about her horror that someone would pierce his baby's ears and how could he do that and she would NEVER do something like that, it's just horrible...Pete couldn't hear her, but I could, cuz, remember, I'm "browsing" the store with Ali and Ava! I looked over at her and she caught my eye. I looked over at Kylah with Pete, turned back to loud-cell-phone-lady and said, "You think we're nuts, don't you?" I so wish I could have snapped a picture of her face at that moment...it was priceless...it was morphing from the horror she had previously been explaining in her cell phone conversation to looking at me and beginning to lump me into the "irresponsible parent" category she had lumped Pete into and then morphed into an embarrassed I just got caught judging someone while they were listening face!!! She looked back at me and shrugged and (with a still priceless, you're horrible face) said, "To each their own." I just looked at her and said, "Yep!"

Ah, I want to laugh just thinking of her face...did I mention it was priceless???

And then, there's another quick story of an adult who complained about kids reading their Bibles on their phones in church...ahhh...just smile with me, folks. I mean, the kids are reading. Their BIBLES! In church.

Two stories to remind us that we have freedom as we follow Christ...we have His word to guide us and then we need to offer grace to each other as we seek to honor Him within the boundaries of His revelation to us, but there is so much variation within those boundaries. Praise God for His creativity in making us all and for His grace in our lives!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow....

2010-12-16T15:53:00.000-08:00

Hopefully, the pink cast will come off tomorrow...a "post-cast" picture will be up shortly...although I've been told that sometimes doctors can take the cast off, re-x-ray, then put one right back on. Really hoping that doesn't happen.

This is Ali the first day with her cast! Such a trooper.

For those who don't know...Ali broke her leg 6 weeks ago...running and falling, over nothing. She didn't cry, got right back up and fell again. We went through the day and she kept telling me her leg hurt, but wasn't crying. Finally, we took her to the ER, and there it was, a broken leg. It's been an interesting 6 weeks.

Quote

2010-12-03T05:26:00.000-08:00

Marriage is more than your love for each other. It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which he wills to perpetuate the human race till the end of time. In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. As you first gave the ring to one another and have now received it a second time from the hand of the pastor, so love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of marriage above the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Letters and Papers from Prison

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T17:54:00.001-08:00

Rest

2010-11-17T17:32:00.001-08:00

Today I almost (okay, I did) lose it several times (okay, really more like at least 100 times)...

I changed the poopy diapers of THREE kids still wearing those darn things.
I cleaned off the disgusting high chair at least 5 times. (I really want to take it outside and power wash it. Like, multiple times, people. Seriously, of all things baby, I hate the high chair the most. The crusted on food, the cracks full of crumbs, the constant stickiness...)
I listened to and forced myself to deal with multiple temper tantrums.
I walked away for a second, a second! and turned around to find out that Ava has figured out how to climb onto our kitchen counter...she pulls up with an above average grip, uses her feet as traction on the cabinets and then gets a knee up onto the counter...what in the world? I need to get her in rock climbing already!!! (Now, how to baby proof kitchen counters????)
I fed, clothed, played with, read to, hugged, kissed, timed-out (is that a word), fed some more, cuddled more, attempted a clean up of what I affectionately call toy-vomit in my house, played with more, cleaned up more...you get the idea, then called my husband to pick up frozen pizzas on the way home b/c there was no way I was going to cook and we had small group at our house tonight and more guests tomorrow night and Saturday night, I could go on, but I won't....

Aahhh...that's what I feel like right now. There's a lot going on and you know what I forgot to do today? I forgot to rely on God. I tried it myself and I FAILED. epic.mom.fail. If I could have a fail blog, today would be on it. I don't feel guilty, just stupid.

So, tomorrow (and the rest of tonight because I know there will be a wake up from deep sleep moment or two...or three):

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Emotions

2010-11-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

November is National Adoption Month...and I could write my own thoughts down, but some really smart, cool people who I want to be when I grow up have already written very eloquently about so many issues. Here is just one link to a post about Honoring First Families. Please read it if you're interested at all in adoption related issues. I think she does a great job with some tough realities.

Honestly, these past four months holding and cuddling Kylah have made me so emotional in ways I wasn't with Ali, because I have the beyond-words-privilege of being Ava's mommy. I missed her first 5 months, but her first mom is missing her life...for a myriad of reasons of which I know only a very, very few. I think and pray for her everyday, and I pray that Ava will know how much I love her as my daughter and how much I honor and respect her birth-mom. I trust in God's plan for all of our lives and I know He is powerful to redeem. What I pray is that Ava will find her identity first and foremost in Jesus Christ, that she will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved in this family, and that if she someday desires, she will also have an opportunity to meet her birth-family, if that's important to her. But if she doesn't meet them on this earth, I pray daily that God is redeeming their hearts and souls and that we will all meet in heaven with a celebration of recognition and joy at what God has done.

Outsourced

2010-09-30T15:20:00.001-07:00

Birthday cake making ranks right there with changing poopy diapers for me...unfortunately I can rarely outsource the poop, but the cake...that can be delegated to Oma (aka Grandma) who actually enjoys the process of making an elaborate creation that is destined for destruction. But don't worry, Oma, this is the place that I can immortalize the amazing Dora cake...

Happy 3rd Birthday, Sweet Aliana!

Hmmm...

2010-09-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

So, I'm thinking about doing this experiment, maybe officially, maybe on my own, but definitely would like to try...six items or less for a month...

Considering the fact I'm not much of a fashionista (that's an understatement; I mean, I wear the same flip-flops all summer, and only have 2 pairs of "winter" shoes. But I do love jeans. And t-shirts.), I figure it'd kinda be cheating for me to do it, but still, it's interesting. I'm guessing I wouldn't find it much different than what I already do. I must admit I often find myself only reaching for the same items of clothing anyway.

A much more radical experiment here: The Great American Apparel Diet. I tried this (I mean, not this specific experiment, but just my own "New Year's Resolution" to not buy clothes for a year) a few years back...I made it about 8 months and then broke down and bought some clothing article. Can't even remember what it was...

I find these experiments interesting for a number of reasons...lately I've been feeling like my house is vomiting STUFF and I'm so tired of it. But then I still want to buy stuff. What is that? I feel that God's reminder that He is all we need and the mandate to use our money for kingdom purposes is often drowned out by the materialism pushed on us by society.

I also find it really annoying that I had to push a toddler screaming through Target...for what, you ask? She wanted a piggy bank and by the time I bought trash bags and toilet paper (the whole purpose of the trip), the whole store knew what Ali wanted. A piggy bank. Didn't even know she knew what one was. So, the knowledge my daughter is also being programmed to want more frightens me. Because I have the same urge. And it's really strong when it comes to my kids. I love buying them stuff. And then I hate that my house is cluttered with that same stuff. An interesting conundrum.

Then Pete and I watch this on PBS last night: Beyond Babyland. Mega-convicting and a good reminder that there is a huge gap in our own country. I mean seriously, I have WAY.MORE than I could ever need while people are living in poverty right around the corner from me. And then I read this on the blog on earth as it is in heaven The disparity is huge. And I have to figure out a way to live with it. My way is to live with less. And I need huge reminders of that many, many times. I let greediness creep back into my life and forget the blessed and eternal ways to spend money.

And then there's this: Matthew 6:24 No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money (or the stuff money can buy).

Confessions

2010-09-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

I am sometimes self-conscious about the way I look. There, I said it. But I think most girls probably are, right? And having just had a baby, my self-consciousness is at an abnormal high. And being in a bathing suit that didn't exactly fit all week on vacation didn't help. And the fact that only a very few clothes of mine fit doesn't help either. Thankfully my love affair with jeans for my entire life has guaranteed me some faithful standby pairs due to owning way too many jeans in a variety of sizes.

I was thinking this week, though, that I want to be careful about how I think about myself b/c I am a model to my girls. And whether or not I feel good about my weight or what I currently look like affects my girls! My identity rests in Jesus Christ, not in what I weigh, what size I wear, my hairstyle, my clothes, my face, etc...passing on the peace and self-confidence that can only come from a solid understanding of who I am as a daughter of God is so very important to me...and how can I teach that to my girls without deeply and truly believing it myself? So...I will NOT listen to the lies that tell me I have to be skinnier, own more stylish clothes, have perfect skin, etc. Even right now, when I'm obsessing (yes, it's true) about losing baby weight. Stop obsessing, Emily, stop! (That's a little self-talk for you...haha!)

And, after all...even if I don't lose all the baby weight...just look at them. Aren't they worth it? I am beyond blessed and so grateful for my 3 beautiful daughters!!!!

I like small butts and I cannot lie...

2010-08-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

...come on, you know you're singing now!

When I was teaching middle school, one of the things I enjoyed the most was the running commentary I got on my appearance from "tween girls" who didn't really edit themselves too much.

"Ms. Johnson, you shoulda worn your black shoes today with that outfit." (I only had 2 pairs of shoes I wore...a brown pair and a black pair.)

"Ms. Johnson, did you get your eyebrows done?" (Why, do they need it or something?)

"Oooo...Ms. Johnson, you got your ears pierced again."

"Ms. Johnson, why don't you ever wear your hair down?" (Ummm, cuz school starts at 7:15 in the morning, which in case you haven't noticed is WAY.TOO.EARLY to wake up with enough time to blow dry my hair!!)

"Ms. Johnson, are you one of those white girls who's really skinny but thinks she's fat. Cuz you're really skinny." (No joke...this made me laugh out loud in class.)

And the best ever: "Ms. Johnson, you know they make padded jeans so your butt could look bigger. I have a catalog if you want." (I laughed here, too. This came out of nowhere, people.)

But the above quote leads me to the title of this post...

Luckily, Kylah takes after me and has (an apparently) small booty...because that's how she came out, butt first. Yes, she was breech and no, we didn't know until I was pushing. Pushing, people. The midwife checked me at that moment and said, "Oh sh*t. She's breech." If I were the curse-out-loud type I think I would have said something like, "No sh*t!!!" As it was, at that moment, I didn't even curse in my head. The room filled, I was put on a gurney and rolled to the O.R. Let's just say I was not the poster girl for a natural birth at the moment. I cringe to think that anyone might have seen me being rolled naked, screaming, and in general freaking out on the short ride to the O.R. I didn't even have time to think about much, other than the question of how in the world they could c-section me at this late moment...they quickly informed me I would be pushing the baby out...and push I did. 5 minutes after my arrival in the O.R., Kylah was born...small butt first, head last!

Pete likes to say the whole thing reminded him of a movie. My labor started at 3 a.m. Saturday. I let Pete sleep because he had just returned from a week long camping trip with students at 10 p.m. Friday. Around 6 a.m. I texted Lauren (best friend ever) to see if she would go for a walk with me. I didn't want to believe I was in labor yet...contractions would go from 10-12 minutes apart to 7 minutes apart and back to 10 minutes apart until Paul & Lauren took Ali and Ava to their house around 9 a.m. Then immediately my contractions were 5 minutes apart and closing. An hour later I told Pete I felt like I was pushing. (So much for the directions of 5 minute apart contractions for 2 hours before you even call the midwives to let them know you're in labor!)

Enter panic mode for Pete...he rushed to pack the car. I barely made the walk to our driveway to get in the car, and I SCREAMED all the way to the hospital with back to back contractions. Then I sat in a wheel chair in front of the hospital SCREAMING while Pete parked the car. A stranger came up to walk into the hospital and held my hand. Turned out he was the chaplain. God bless him. Pete came, pushed me to the elevator. Some poor dude just had to get on with us. Me, yep, still SCREAMING. Pete rolled me into the birthing center while I yelled...get me drugs, I give up, give me a c-section NOW! The midwife told them to stop filling the tub; I think they could take one look at me and know I was about to deliver. So...yeah, not the poster girl for a natural birth. From what I hear, some women are actually peaceful when they are in labor...not sure how that's possible.

They quickly checked me and I was 8 cm...they must not have checked for too long, because the whole "she's breech" thing wasn't caught then...not until 20 minutes later when I was pushing. We were at the hospital maybe 30 minutes before Kylah was born. When I said I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, I didn't quite mean to cut it that close...but, well, everything was ok. The actual birth wasn't what we expected, but Kylah is healthy and I'm doing well.

So, there you go...I like small butts and I cannot lie...

Full Heart, Full Hands

2010-07-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

When Pete and I started trying to grow our family four and a half years ago, I never dreamed I would be blessed in the way I have been by EACH of my precious children. My heart is overflowing with love for these beautiful daughters of mine and I cannot begin to put into words everything that has happened in our hearts during the years we have been praying for these girls. For now, enjoy the pics!!! This surprise third blessing especially taught me a lot about trusting in God's timing and His plan...enjoy the pics. Ali and Ava love (most of the time, haha), their little sister, Kylah Zoe.

Oh Girls...

2010-06-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

...we can be crazy cool and insane!!! Bear with me for a tangent for a moment...one of the oh so many reasons I LOVE my husband is that he is totally cool with having all daughters. He tells people he loves raising girls because the world needs more strong women like me (not so sure about that myself, but I feel loved by the comment)! When we were dating in college, I vividly remember a conversation he stumbled into with my roomie (love you, Lauren) and another (ahem, feminist) friend of mine...we were talking about choices and women and careers...and Pete totally just went with it. I like to think he'd call himself a feminist (although he'd probably define it for you...as in, he's not one of the radical, political types...and neither am I, for the record). But, my wonderful husband is an egalitarian (for those who know what I mean)...and that is COOL, considering he married one. Haha!

So, some crazy and cool links...I have to credit my husband (hence the ode to him above)...he found these links (for those who don't know...he works with teens and actually does research teen culture...and sends me interesting links...which we subsequently discuss over dinner with our still very young girls...who will someday, I know, roll their eyes at us).

High Heels for Babies...oh.my.goodness. Seriously? I mean, I know it's probably meant to be a gag gift, but wow. We want to indoctrinate our little baby girls ALREADY into thinking that beauty trumps all? Who cares if it's uncomfortable? Who cares if it's completely, ridiculously impracticable? Who cares if it sends the message that we better be "in style" or else, whatever that means? Side note about heels coming up...

(So in Colombia, I read that sometimes at a teen's 15th birthday party, the birthday girl starts the party in flats and then her dad gives her her first pair of heels to mark her becoming a woman, so to speak. Well, we thought that was a cool idea, until we both laughed at the fact that I NEVER wear heels (WAY too uncomfortable and fashion has NEVER been worth that to me)...so I think the gesture might be somewhat amusing to our girls.)

Anyway...

Twilight Addictions (and before you say you're not a "Twi-hard"...I have the same beef with being overly addicted to "chick flicks" or any similar genre which pushes unrealistic relationships)...look at what people are doing for Eclipse! Insane!

And then a last REALLY COOL girl...who's just graduated high school. I love, love, love it that she's picking on a magazine that I abhor for many of the same reasons she picks on it...when girls on our trip buy such magazines, Pete and I usually have fun writing little comments to them in the magazines when they're not looking, such as "She's airbrushed...She's pushing a false standard of beauty...This article is trying to tell you you'll be happy if you just have the right clothes...FALSE...Be a person, not just an outfit...etc. Her blog is fun, read it!

Read This...Seriously....

2010-06-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know I've linked to her blog several times, but she's doing the work for me, so why repeat what she's already said, right? :)

So, I absolutely love what Kristen says about adoption here (and for some background, she's talking about what she wanted to say on the View about adoption, but unfortunately she just had a few minutes...but with that, she did great...I watched it today)!

My Girls...

2010-06-14T16:22:00.001-07:00

So Ali is such a little girl...she will ONLY wear dresses, and I am not kidding. Every morning I try to get her in a cute non-dress outfit with absolutely no luck. The frillier, pinker, fancier the dress, the happier she is. Luckily, we have a wonderful thrift store so my little princess can prance around in Easter dresses to her heart's content without me worrying about how dirty/messed up the dress will get. (People like to laugh while Ali plays on a playground or in the dirt with a fancy dress on...but, hey, she's happy)!

Oh, and whatever Ava has done to her hair, Ali wants it, too, hence the headband in this picture, which of course she had to put on herself. So, when we start beads, I'm sure both my little girls will be sporting the colorful beads. Haha! So fun!

Ava is a RISK-TAKER...my mom likes to say that watching Ava means you literally have to watch her every second to keep her alive. She is only 16 months, but will stand at the top of the stairs and just step off...no matter how many "controlled" falls we have done with her...she just wants to go again. And she throws herself off the couch, headfirst, feet first, whatever she wants. She climbs EVERYTHING, and she's always moving. Can't wait to see how else she puts that energy into action as she continues to grow!

Despite her activity, we've come to an understanding about "hair time." She actually sits and lets me do it now (within reason...I did try some rows the other day and ended up in tears b/c they were so bad and I felt inadequate and Ava was OVER getting her hair yanked on...I guess I'll have to practice those more when she's older and can appreciate lollypops and movies). But I absolutely LOVE doing her hair. She's beautiful!

One Year Ago

2010-05-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

One year ago today we got Ava's referral call...I can't even begin to relive that day without being pretty emotional. I told another adoptive parent friend the other day as I was working on Ava's lifebook that I feel like adoptive parenting is all the same emotions of biological motherhood (although developing differently, for those of you in process who also have biological children...it's a different experience, a different way of adding to your family, but no less miraculous) plus the added layer of emotions from adoptive motherhood. Maybe I'll explain in another post if I can.

We'll also be celebrating Afro-Colombian heritage day along with the nation of Colombia...that is tomorrow! I'm going to make empanadas, while not a traditional Afro-Colombian dish necessarily, and fried plantains. Yummy! I'll have to remember to take pictures and post how I do. Haha. It'll be fun!

I still can't believe it's been a year!!! Ava is our sunshine...I'll have to upload newer pictures from the camera...but here's some spring pictures of our happy, ENERGETIC, little girl!

Left Speechless

2010-04-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, not really, but oh my goodness...Arizona...as if Virginia wasn't bad enough with this, you have to go and pass an even crazier law...not just a declaration filled with "whereas," but an honest to goodness law!

For those of you who don't enjoy news programming...Arizona's govenor, Jan Brewer, signed SB1070 (click this link for a thrilling read of the actual bill) into law in Arizona last Friday. This law makes it a crime to be out and about without immigration papers, and gives police power to detain anyone suspected of being here illegally. But don't worry, Jan Brewer said the police will be properly trained and racial profiling will not be tolerated. Really? How exactly do you enact this law without racially profiling an individual? And what does it mean to "look" like an American, by the way?

For an overview of the law, read here.

And I'll leave you with a quote related to our xenophobia that I used in a paper in grad school that analyzed another of Arizona's laws (this one relating to educational policy for immigrant students...I know you'll all be requesting a copy!)...I love this author and this particular essay is stellar...for those who live near, feel free to request to borrow the book of essays; don't worry, it's in English.

“The separation of one food from another is analogous to the reserve that characterizes the relations between sexes, races, and classes. In our countries food is communion, not only between those together at table but between ingredients; Yankee food, impregnated with Puritanism, is based on exclusions. The maniacal preoccupation with the purity and origin of food products has its counterpart in racism and exclusivism. The American contradiction—a democratic universalism based on ethnic, cultural, religious, and sexual exclusions—is reflected in its cuisine.”
Octavio Paz in essay entitled,
“Hygiene and Repression”

P.S. Adding what he said...Please note he does understand the magnitude of the immigration issue...he just doesn't agree Arizona has the right solution...

Another Interesting Link

2010-04-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well...you can probably tell what I'm interested in, sociologically speaking, but here's an interesting conversation that I'll at least be reading for the next couple days (free mommy time is limited in this house since I have a 2 year old who DOESN'T NAP!). By the way, I read this and many other perspectives because I have to teach my daughter how to react to this ridiculous, maddening racism...the question is HOW? At least I have one definitive thing to worry about as a mom, ha!...all the rest of those mommy "fears" are still unknowns to a large extent. (Written tongue in cheek, of course, because I'd really like to learn how to trust God and not worry, considering that's something He's asked us to do.)

See a potential criminal in every black person (at the blog Stuff White People Do)

Easter

2010-04-14T14:27:00.001-07:00

Noticing

2010-03-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

So, I've had a few conversations with people who wonder whether or not young kids should be taught explicitly about race...and I think it's mostly a white privilege to have to wonder about that. In the reading I've done about transracial adoption and anti-racist parenting/living, it's hugely important to talk about race and differences from the beginning. Ignoring does more harm than good. It's been interesting the past few weeks because Ali has been noticing colors more in her environment. And while we talk about colors and skin-colors and how beautiful all the skin colors in our family are, she hasn't really cared before. But now, she loves pointing out that Ava's skin is brown and Ava has black hair. The funny thing is Ali was saying she had white skin...so I had to correct that. I know, I know, not like my girls will understand the difference between a racial label (like black and white) and actual skin color for a while, but I want both of them to at least be able to describe each other accurately now so that we can have that abstract conversation about societal labels later on in their lives. So, I'm teaching Ali her skin is peach or sandy tan. She's likes saying it's peach. And she loves comparing skin tones in books, which leads me to the following book suggestions...some will be for later (a little bit too long for a 2 year old), but I highly recommend them, for all families, regardless of the make-up of your family.

All The Colors We Are (bonus that it's a bilingual book) by Katie Kissinger
The Skin You Live In (Ali LOVES this one) by Michael Tyler
Let's Talk About Race by Julius Lester

Gag Me!!!!!

2010-03-05T09:31:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry if you agree with this link, don't take offense to the throw up in my mouth after reading it...I just definitely DO NOT agree with it. I'm researching right now for a series of posts I'm planning on doing about my personal views of women's roles in church, home, life in general...I've had some really funny/frustrating conversations lately that make me really want to do these posts. :) Even though in a few months I will be kicking it old school and staying home, I'm NOT staying home because I believe it is a Biblical mandate...more on that later. (I'm actually kind of reluctant about staying home b/c I really, really disagree that it is a "thou shalt" for women, but my life is about to fit the stereotype of those who do believe it is a "thou shalt.") Ok...enough for now. Read the link. And if you really want to laugh and don't have much time, scroll down to the "What's a Christian Mother To Do All Day?" section where it gives 42 suggestions...I laughed out loud!

Should a Christian Mother Work Outside the Home?

Interesting Link

2010-02-27T16:28:00.000-08:00

Here's a link to a woman's blog called "Rage Against the Minivan." Her blog is great; I love reading it, so if you're looking for some more reading material, check her out. But this post in particular just broke my heart...and she expressed so eloquently why we should ALL be talking to our kids about race, regardless of whether we're an interracial family or not!

Little Bigots at Basketball

Defiance

2010-02-18T11:57:00.000-08:00

My daughter, Ali, is STRONG WILLED...and I know, I know, I have no one to blame but myself...but oh my goodness! You'd think that as strong-willed as I am she wouldn't stand a chance, but it's almost as if it's her full time job to come up with battle plans against which I don't stand a chance. Seriously. I have a million stories about this...(don't EVER tell me you can train a child to sleep if you don't happen to parent a strong-willed child)...but we won't go with a sleep story...how about an "every time I'm in a parking lot" story?

Ali HATES having to hold my hand to cross streets, so if I'm not lucky enough to find a spot that does not require crossing the street, I either have to:

a. get out the stroller and strap her in it (which might seem like the simplest solution, but some places we go have no place to store a stroller, we won't need it while we're there, etc.)

b. get stuck holding Ava, diaper bag (sometimes 2), purse, anything else we need, and clutching Ali's hand like her life depends on it (which it does) sometimes in the middle of the street b/c she refuses to budge, I can't pick her up, and I can't let go of her hand b/c she will dash into the street. Last Sunday at church, an older lady came up to help us, sometimes its a teen I work with, sometimes a stranger who then proceeds to give me UNWANTED parenting advice. Thank you to the lady who glibly told me maybe I need to change my routine! That little piece of advice helped SO MUCH (not)! But I did appreciate the older lady who encouraged me by telling me that she had one like Ali who's now grown and flies F-18's or some such jet (can't remember the exact letter-numeral combo)...uh, not sure I want Ali to go from peril crossing the street to peril in the skies, but I do want her to turn her strong will toward helping others, that's for sure! I guess I just appreciated the lack of judgment from her...she got it.

So all I can do is pray...pray that I will be patient, wise and strong. Pray that Ali's defiance will be turned to defiance at things that make God angry, things that need to be changed in our world, things that harm people, that she will take that strong will and apply it to doing God's will. Found this prayer the other day, and it's perfect:

"May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace." A Franciscan Benediction

Celebrating Ava

2010-02-16T17:44:00.000-08:00

Our precious daughter is one now...this was my first birthday celebration with her, and what a joy it was. We're stretching it out...from Sunday to Saturday! I walked into her room on the morning of her first birthday and smiled at her smile, hugged her and kissed her and wanted to cry! What a blessing she is to our family. I wasn't there at her birth, and I wanted to cry for her first mom...the mother who gave her life. I kissed her a million times on Sunday for her first mom, and I know I will do that all her life.

L,

I prayed for you on Sunday, like I do most days...but especially on Sunday.
I don't know if you cried that day, but I want you to know that we cherish you.
We pray for you.
The joy I feel is all mixed up in the sorrow I imagine you will feel your whole life.
I just want you to know that I love, love, love Ava Manuela, our precious treasure.
I honor you this week and always.

A Good Day

2010-02-04T16:39:00.000-08:00

That's what today was.

As I stepped onto the elliptical machine at the YMCA,

and my children played (at least somewhat) happily in the Child Watch center,

I had to literally choke back tears of joy...

That I could again exercise to something other than workout DVDs hoping my kids didn't wake up in the middle of said workout DVDs...

That I wasn't walking the same 2 mile stretch of sidewalk in our neighborhood pushing the girls in a stroller while they fight/cry/whine...

I love you YMCA.

I caught up on actually listening to some music.

Derek Webb, to be specific (I know, I'm behind!)...

And the lyrics to one of his songs (all of which I loved, BTW, you might see a few other lyrics pop up in the next few weeks) nearly made me laugh out loud...

From "A King & A Kingdom" by Derek Webb

there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him

my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom

What a good day!!!

Adorable

2010-01-20T12:23:00.001-08:00

Chocolate anyone?

2010-01-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I hate reading...because it means I'm going to have to change something. This is the latest book I'm reading:

Well, it's pretty convicting...and I already hate that my consumeristic, materialistic, and greedy lifestyle as an American shopper is so pervasive and darn hard to kick...aaahhh...well, this book just kicks that into overdrive by reminding me that my daily decisions have global impact.

Today, it's chocolate. So that chocolate chip cookie I just ate with my daughter most likely was produced in part on the backs of children slaving with no rest when they should be eating chocolate chip cookies with their mothers. Doing more research, I found that basically, if I recognize the maker of the chocolate I'm buying, they most likely use cocoa beans produced in Ivory Coast, and, therefore, are tainted by child slavery. Soooo...I guess I'll be buying my chocolate from the internet from now on. Darn-it. I'm going to admit it...I'm lazy and I LOVE chocolate...not being able to get it from the local, easy to use, grocery store will suck. But not as much as the lives of those kids far away suck...so I'll suck it up for that fact alone.

See here Is There Slavery in Your Chocolate and here Stop Chocolate Slavery for more information. Or read the book I'm reading if you want...I'll loan it out so you can endure self-recrimination like me. (BTW...I can't figure out the hyperlink thing and don't want to try at the moment, so just copy and paste.)

Sick Day Boo Boo

2009-12-07T16:20:00.000-08:00

So, Ali woke up this morning decidedly NOT chipper and cheerful

sneezing green snot,

soooo, no daycare, no work...

I attempted to clean during little A's morning nap whilst Ali watched Dora.

Attempt failed.

Toy fell behind our shoe bin,

and in a moment of high energy I bent over to rescue said toy...

...and my forehead caught the window sill

and I now have a 2 inch gash down my forehead.

Lovely. (For the record...I cried, but managed not to curse...do I get a cookie?)

Pete actually laughed out loud when he came home tonight.

I wonder what everyone else will do?

Oh...and just to further enforce for you my total loss of sophistication

I have been too lazy the past week to actually bring soap downstairs to my shower

and I have been showering with a Dora loufah and grape scented Dora bodywash!

Yay for motherhood. I love it.

Everyday Conversations...

2009-10-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

How to start? I honestly am not sure whether or not to post things like this, but it is so relevant to our lives...Being who we now are as a family, you can probably imagine we get a lot of interesting looks/stares, whatever you want to call them. We also get a lot of comments; a LOT of comments. It has blown my mind. Pete and I were talking about it this morning after leaving the restaurant where we went for breakfast (bringing along Ava, of course...Ali was in preschool). We got more than the usual amount of stares, although maybe it's just because I was paying more attention than I usually do when I'm out by myself with a 2 year old and an 8 month old...not much time to pay attention. In the 3 short months we've been Ava's parents, I've already become somewhat accustomed to the stares, but NOT the comments. What makes people so rude/ignorant/racist/just plain stupid???? That's what I want to know! Pete and I did so much reading before our adoption, and we *knew* what we were going to experience, but the firsthand experience of it is a shocker, let me tell you. And the sad, sad, SAD thing is that Ava and others who share her skin tone have to deal with racism all the time. Because Pete and I are white in a racially conscious society where whites have inherent privilege, we could have blissfully ignored race and racism our entire lives. AAHHHHH...the craziness of even saying that blows my mind. Still learning here, but the necessity of learning to be anti-racist has picked up for me and for Pete. Anyway, no need to rehash some of the nastier comments I've received...how about a funny one?

At a restaurant that we decided to go to at the last minute (i.e.: I had no desire to cook dinner)...As we were finishing dinner, another family in the booth next to us started saying hi because our kids and their kids were playing peek-a-boo over the booth.

Little blond boy (about 4) to me (holding Ava): Her skin is black. Mine is white.
Me: That's right. Isn't it cool how God made us all differently?
Little blond boy: Why is her skin black and mine white?
Me: Well, her skin is actually dark brown and (holding up a white napkin), is your skin really "white"? It looks more like a really light brown to me.
Little blond boy: Oh, yeah. Huh.
Me: We all have something called melanin in our skin. Some people like Ava just have more than other people like you and I have. I think your skin and her skin are both just beautiful, don't you?
Little blond boy: Yeah, that's cool.
Father of boy jumps in, shushing his son: Sorry about that. He's gotten really curious about differences lately.
Me: That's ok, it's normal!
Father: Yeah, it's funny, every time he sees a (and he whispers the next 2 words, leaning closer so we can hear) "black man" on TV, he points at him and says "Look, daddy, it's Obama."

Me...okay, actually, I didn't exactly know what to say. This is what went through my head...

1. Why did you whisper "black man"? What's that teaching your children? To be afraid? That race is taboo? That you're breaking the "color-blind" rule you've set? (Don't get me started on that and comments along those lines.)
2. We live in a DIVERSE area...is TV the only exposure your kids get to people of other ethnicities?
3. Wow, we live in a city where you see literally thousands of "Obamas" everyday. You don't know any of their names?

Not sure what else to say about the conversation...like I said, a funnier one, but still somewhat disturbing. Maybe I'll keep posting our interesting conversations. But seriously, I have come to realize that it's harder than I thought. I think for me the hardest thing is constantly having Ava's and my relationship questioned. I could have hugged the doctor we saw yesterday (had to make a sick appointment for some skin issues Ava's had since Colombia, so we didn't see our normal doc)...he complimented me for being so trim for having just had a baby. I almost laughed out loud. But it still made me so happy. I am Ava's mommy (even if strangers don't recognize it)!

The Question

2009-09-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

One of the most common questions I get is about how Ali is doing with a new little sister...and I honestly have to answer that she's doing GREAT! Obviously, we have moments, but they are small and not nearly what I was expecting. I must say it makes me want to pause life when I see Ali being sweet with Ava...my heart is so full in those moments. When Ali wakes up, the first thing she asks is about Ava (who she calls "Ra-ra" b/c we're still working on saying words with her). She likes to hold her hand, give her hugs and kisses, help with her bottles, and fetch toys for her. So, in answer to the question...Ali is doing wonderfully!

Changes

2009-08-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted much lately because my life has been full to overflowing with changes...and I've given myself time to adjust. Having Ava home is beautiful...she is beautiful. Adopting her has changed my life in so many ways it is difficult to put into words. Having given birth and adopted now I sometimes find myself thinking about the similarities and differences. Of course, becoming a mother in itself is a change, but adopting not only made me a mother for the second time, it has added a layer of emotion that might not have existed had I "simply" (or not so simply in our case) given birth to our second child. I cannot even begin to describe the complexity of my emotions at this point, but maybe I'll be motivated to try as I pick back up with blogging (a little bit at least, or when I'm lucky enough to have the girls correspond their napping times and I'm not wiped and napping with them!).

I think the biggest thing I feel is a strong connection and compassion and overwhelming gratefulness to Ava's first mom...and then I feel a mix of complete joy that I get to parent Ava and complete sadness that our world is a place where women are forced to make adoption plans for their children. Adoption is necessary because we experience loss in our world. People keep comparing our adopting to what God did for us, but I don't think the analogy quite fits. We were God's to begin with...He took us back after we turned on Him. Ava was not mine to begin with. I am not her first parent. I am her second. But there is room in my heart to embrace Ava and her birth family, and I know there is room in Ava's heart to love me and love her birth family, if she so chooses. It is amazing the human capacity for love, and also amazing our capacity to harm others, ignore injustices and human suffering, continue to live selfishly, and justify our behavior. Like I said...way too many emotions swirling in my head...I'll get them out and sort them out little by little. As I do so, I know that God will show me which emotions are godly and which aren't...

Some amusing changes I've thought of the past few weeks:
1. I now wash an obscene amount of bottles and sippy cups.
2. It takes me over an hour to even be close to being ready to leave the house for anything.
3. At 5 p.m. I feel like it should be 10 p.m.
4. At 7 a.m. I feel like it is still 4 a.m.
5. My favorite change: instead of one amazing daughter, I have two amazing, beautiful daughters who are my delight, even in my most tired moments.
6. Oh yeah...my house is perpetually in a state of disarray and in desperate need of cleaning. Maybe when the girls go to college I'll get to that again. :)

Ava is quite possibly the happiest baby alive! We LOVE her smile!

The girls before bed one night. Ali is doing AMAZING. She really loves to help with Ava (which is sometimes not so helpful). :)

Me and my sweet Ava.

Favorite Pics of Ava!

2009-07-22T12:03:00.001-07:00

Favorite Cali Outings

2009-07-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I am mainly just sending email updates because it's far easier for us than uploading photos to our blog...but I will eventually make the blog public again, so I just wanted to put up some pics of our favorite Cali outings:

Of course, nothing beat meeting Ava for the first time, but after that and our second visit to Chiquitines, I'd have to say that the zoo, the waterpark, coffee shops, and our visit to Loma de la Cruz (a local artesan park) top the list. We have such wonderful memories of our two weeks in Cali! And now we're making even more in Sopo while we wait for sentencia. Who knows when that will come? :) In the meantime, I love it here in Colombia! The food, the people, the language, the culture, it's all amazing!

Ok, here are our Cali outings (a few pics)...as always, there are WAY more on our facebook pages. :)

Parque de Agua La Cana

View of Cali from Loma de la Cruz

Juan Valdez Coffee...the BEST! Yummy!

The Cali Zoo

Centro Comercial Chipichape

At Chipichape trying Champus (a Cali specialty)!

Our beautiful, beautiful daughter!

2009-07-07T18:50:00.000-07:00

On Monday, July 6th, we were presented with Avalon Manuela. It was one of the very best days of my life. I had no idea that I would feel so overwhelmed with emotions...joy, thankfulness, excitement, nerves. I definitely cried several times...especially when I saw Ava for the first time. It is really amazing. It feels so much like Ava belongs with us! I can't explain it...she's PERFECT. I love her like crazy. Here are a few pictures. Next steps include our integration meeting on Friday, we're assigned to a court sometime either Friday or Monday, and then we have another meeting at the orphanage on next Thursday (the 16th). So...pray that we are assigned a court that moves quickly. :) Meanwhile, we're enjoying our time, adjusting to life with 2 kids, and enjoying Colombia. It's a beautiful country, beautiful people. We have been taken care of very well. I'll post more later. We already have some very fun stories. :)

Visas and Washington, D.C.

2009-06-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

Well...we drove to D.C. today to apply for visas, and then found out they cannot process them in one day like all other consulates according to our agency. We have to drive back on Wednesday. Needless to say, it is not what we want to be doing our last few days in the states, but what can we do? We're taking it in stride and we're now thinking of it like a little date for us before we become parents of 2! Craziness.

We're so excited, a little nervous, I'm doing my best to stay calm. We cannot wait to meet our little girl! We will begin our email updates later this week...we're going to send a test one. We figured it would be the easiest way to update everyone, since most of our friends don't seem to "blog" much.

Our to do list is MUCH shorter now:
1. Visas: Our Wednesday drive/date!
2. Pack!
3. Eat and watch some movies these next few nights.
4. Leave SATURDAY!!!!

Why private? and travel updates!

2009-06-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

Hello, all! So, I've set the blog to private for the time being because somehow our blog was linked to some Colombian adoption news site in Norway (the adoption community is fairly active online), and they were questioning why it was such a short wait for us. I will make it public again once we can post pictures, and then most people wondering about the speed of our adoption should be able to know why...we specifically requested a child with a certain background in our paperwork that I suspect most people adopting from Colombia are not open to, or at least don't know that if you do not state your openness, the powers that be assume you are not open (maybe?, who knows about all those reasons...I'm just assuming based on reading other blogs, etc...not the greatest scientific research). Anyways...I don't feel up to answering questions at the moment; there are FAR to many other things to do, hence the privacy.

In updates for us:
1. We have an official travel date: We leave July 4th, arrive in Cali July 5th and are presented with our daughter July 6th at 8:30 a.m.!!!! We cannot wait! Please pray for patience and some rest between now and then.
2. We still need to apply for VISAS. Just today we sent our application with our passports to the Colombian Embassy in Washington, D.C. only to find out they changed where visas are processed to the Colombian Consulate...SO, we recalled our package, thankfully some mail delivery truck never showed at the Post Office, and we were able to get the package back in our hands. Needless to say there were some stressful moments, especially since we're doing all of this through my parents in Norfolk while we're in Boston for a wedding and family vacation with Pete's family. AAAHHHH....craziness.
3. We get back from Pete's family vacation next Sunday (the 28th), drive to D.C. the 29th to do our visas IN PERSON...hopefully the same day...who knows? and then have a few days to pack, prepare, and leave. Haha...our life is such an adventure right now! (P.S. We need to borrow some sturdy luggage...I'll be calling some of you!)
4. Everything else is on backburner: cleaning, cooking, doing anything besides writing a packing list, and semi-preparing our baby's room.
5. We're doing a lot of praising to God for all of his many provisions and I'm repeating the verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with praise and thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Thanks for all your prayers. If you want to call and encourage us or celebrate with us, feel free. We love you all!

We have it!

2009-06-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

So, the mix up between the Colombian interpretation of the Hague treaty and the US interpretation of the Hague treaty has been solved! Our agency worked very quickly and effectively, and we have our I800 approval!!!! We also got our FBI prints in the mail on Thursday. Amazing. So, on Tuesday I'm going to drive to Richmond to authenticate our documents and then mail them to our agency so that they can mail them to Colombia to be translated. :) We're moving right along. We should have a travel date by early next week. The only thing we're waiting on is approval of our desired travel date from Chiquitines (the orphanage where our daughter is). Yay!!!! We're so thankful for all of your support and prayers. Thank you, thank you! We'll update as we hear things.

Urghhhhh....

2009-06-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

Okay...so why has the hold up always seemed to come from USCIS??? I just found out today that our adjudicator (fancy name for the person who reviews our application) thinks our file is missing a document, but it really isn't! Colombia doesn't require the particular document that our adjudicator thinks we need (and neither does the US for that matter apparently, according to the expert at our agency). So, we could have had approval, but we don't. Now we have to wait for more contact to be made, more phone calls, hopefully no more paperwork (until we apply for visas, but that should be more simple than this). Please PRAY that this gets cleared up quickly! Then the only other piece of paper that is out of our control in terms of when it arrives is our FBI prints. You can pray those get to us quickly, too!

Our Amazing News!!!!

2009-06-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

This post has been delayed two weeks...most of you reading our blog already know our news, but I wanted to share for those few friends out there who may not know yet. We have a daughter waiting for us in Colombia right now! On May 20th, we got THE CALL that we had been waiting for, and quite honestly, we seriously thought we'd be waiting for this call for much longer! Even our agency was amazed and told us it is very unusual to get a referral so quickly. I wish I could post of picture of our beautiful girl, but I'm going to probably wait until everything is official and she is ours. While we're in Colombia, we will most likely do email updates instead of blog updates, and then I'll post pics when we're back home. So, a lot of you have been asking, what's next, when do you travel? We do not have a solid travel date yet, but our goal is the beginning of July. In the meantime, here's what we have to do:

1. Wait for USCIS to return our I800 with a big fat APPROVED letter! Please pray this happens swiftly!
2. Ask all the people in Colombia working with us if our desired travel date is okay with all of them (basically squaring away our presentation date).
3. Buy plane tickets (talk about sticker shock)!
4. Apply for visas (which means a drive to DC)
5. Finalize all other travel details.
6. Pack and travel to be united as a family!!! We can't wait for this one!
7. While we are doing all of the above...we are also squaring away work plans so that everything is covered while we're gone (no easy task)!

Please pray for our baby, for us as we prepare, and that God would work out all the details. We know he will! I am AMAZED at how he has blessed us in so many ways, not a few of the blessings have come by way of so many of you! Thank you for celebrating with us and praying for our family! We'll post again once we have a travel date!

May 13th = 6 months

2009-05-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

Happy 6 months of waiting to us! Actually, the past month has been so busy I have not had much time to languish in the uncertainty of our wait. But it has hit again with a vengeance today! Not only is it our 6 month mark of "official" waiting (we've been in process for almost a year)...our social worker called today to give us an update. I must confess I saw the agency name pop up on my cell (darn caller id) and my heart did a little flip...then I MADE it sink back to normalcy by telling myself...6 months, 6 months, you're going to be waiting a LOT longer than that. Well, it was just an update. She reiterated our wait time of around 18 months, but she did say that a family at our agency just received a referral for a baby after 8 months of waiting...a family at a different orphanage, but at least it was a referral. Darn update. Now I have to struggle to remember that a referral to someone else means nothing about our referral. Lucky them, but I didn't want to hear that, and then again I did.

Aaahhh...the joys of not knowing. I realized today again how much I LIKE TO KNOW. I read the ends of books before I finish them, and then I finish the book in peace and with much greater enjoyment because I know how it ends. Many people say I'm weird and breaking some sort of rule, but books were written to be enjoyed...if I enjoy them better knowing the end then I can do what I want. Unfortunately, I do not and will not know the end of this journey until I am there, and even then, life is full of uncertainties. Maybe if I learn my lesson really well now, God won't send me any more lessons in patience and giving him control instead of demanding it myself. What do you think? Yeah, I know...I'm going to need this lesson for the rest of my life. I love life...I love life...I love life. I'm going to trust God! That's my mantra today.

A Prayer for Our Child

2009-04-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

May you be safe and sleep soundly through the night,
May you be safe as you wake to the morning's light.
May you feel my love from so far away,
May it comfort and protect you throughout each day.
I will pray for you my little one
Until our time of waiting is done.
I will pray that the Lord keep you safe from harm,
Until the child of my heart becomes the child in my arms.

Updates

2009-04-03T17:37:00.000-07:00

On our adoption: Sorry to disappoint, but there are none.

On cheesy movies I've seen lately: Facing the Giants...uggh..don't even want to go there. But I can't help it...the cheese was just horrible. But then I watched the special features and saw the heart behind making it, and well, you just can't fault people for doing their best for God! Come on, Emily, come on, say something nice about the actual movie...well, maybe another day, sorry, nothing's coming today!

On taking things personally that I shouldn't: Anyone have any tips here? Because I have been run over by mac trucks lately and I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but I just can't help it.

On a really fun afternoon: Botanical Gardens with my wonderful husband, daughter, and friends! Thank you, God, for nice weather today...it lifts my spirits.

On why April 3 is a great day: Happy B-day Michelle! Wish I could be there to celebrate!

On personal goals: Anyone feel like running a half marathon with me? I think I need some sort of running goal again (but NOT a marathon...never again!). And does posting on my blog mean I have to do it?...because there's always the "next year" slot for personal goals. :)

Waiting

2009-02-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

So I was tempted to put a number next to the title of this post, because I am absolutely sure that I will be posting many times with this title. I cannot even begin to explain my emotions surrounding the wait for our child. They are a jumble. Even now as I type this, I know I won't post immediately...just to make sure I didn't say anything crazy. I can't explain it, but if you've adopted or are adopting right now, you probably understand...I miss our child...the child we don't know yet. We are just waiting with nothing...we can't prepare a room really because we don't know exactly how old our baby will be or how old Ali will be or if we'll have to get another crib or if Ali will be in a big-girl bed. We can't buy clothes. We can't really do too much but wait and pray. We do have tentative names, but even that is tentative...we might keep our child's given name as a first name...if not, it will definitely be his or her middle name...I don't have a baby kicking around inside me, just thoughts bouncing around my head, an ache in my heart, and many, many prayers. Mainly, I just pray for our baby's first family, that when our child is born that he will have someone to hold him when he's crying, feed him when he is hungry, and smile at him when he's awake. I pray that God will protect him and his family. I pray that whatever situation causes him to become ours will somehow work for the glory of God. My heart breaks for whatever reason will require our child to end up in an orphanage waiting to be adopted. See...paradox...I don't really want our wait to be "short" because that means tragedy for someone else. But, at the same time, if our child is out there waiting right this minute, I DO so want to have him with us now. Basically, let's just say that for now, I'm trying, trying, trying to be patient, to pray, to love every day as it comes, to give thanks to God, to serve others, to grow in love...and as I am doing that, every second I carry thoughts and prayers for our baby...just as I carried Ali with me everywhere before she was born.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

Funny pic of Ali with her friend, Owen. Owen stayed with us for a day and Ali is in LOVE with him! So cute. She wanted to hold his hand all day long. Owen is a very sweet friend. He does a really good job playing with Ali.

Don't you love the hair? It was REALLY windy.

Friendship

2009-02-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

I have been incredibly grateful these past few weeks for so many dear friends in my life. Daily, I thank God for all of you. Thank you so much for your prayers and your friendship.

Another praise I have is that I have been able to continue a close friendship with Lauren, my roomie from college. I truly wish I could post pictures of our adventures together...from dressing up crazy to go to a movie, to acting out a funeral (don't ask), to playing pranks on people (remember the poop log?), swimming, to being in each other's weddings...we've seen each other through so many transitions. And now we've each been there for each other as we've become mommies. What an adventure that is, right? Here's a picture of the cutest little boy, Caleb, with Aliana. Ali is not quite sure what to think. And a picture of me holding Caleb. (Doesn't Lauren look amazing for having just had a baby?) We love you, Paul, Lauren, and little Caleb!

LOVED This!

2009-01-23T18:39:00.001-08:00

So Pete actually pointed this one out to me!

http://www.ysmarko.com/?p=4567

MLK Day Unity March

2009-01-19T11:28:00.000-08:00

Our Angels!

2009-01-13T16:36:00.000-08:00

So...drum roll, please...we have our USCIS approval!!!!

Ok, well, it actually seems really anticlimactic to be honest. But, we're still really happy, and it wouldn't have been possible without our two angels. Let me explain. First, I called the USCIS Hague Unit every day for the past 2 weeks with no luck, but last Thursday I finally got a hold of someone who gave me their name (shocker, I know), looked up my file, and said, "Oh. Your file is back on the shelf. [This was AFTER we send in the information THEY requested from us...just some silly statement by our social worker...ok, quote continues] I'll request your file right now. [She did it, right then, on the phone.] My name is Meredith and I'll call you if I have any questions." She called me back and said we're approved and the letter is in the mail. How simple was that, and why didn't anyone else do that? That's all I want to know at this moment. But, thank the Lord for Meredith!!!

Ok, our second angel. On Monday I was bummed that I didn't see the letter in the mailbox, but I figured, be patient. Well, I went out for a walk during lunch because Pete could watch Ali on his lunch break, and when I came home, he handed me THE ENVELOPE. It had been delivered to a neighbor's house. HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT MISTAKE, MR. POSTMAN? Thank the Lord for our neighbor. He told Pete he thought it looked important! Given that it's a huge envelope that says Department of Homeland Security on it. :) Hehe. I wonder what our neighbor thinks of us?

Anyway, good news all around. Yay!

Safety

2009-01-07T18:23:00.000-08:00

"The only haven of safety is to have no other will, no other wisdom, than to follow the Lord wherever he leads. Let this, then, be the first step, to abandon ourselves and devote the whole energy of our minds to the service of God." John Calvin

So, in light of several negative comments lately and some not-quite-negative-but-questioning-with-a-negative-message-intended comments regarding our adoption (along the lines of: You're crazy, your family is going to be messed up b/c adoptive kids have hard times sometimes), I found the above quote to be so encouraging and it puts words to what I've been feeling or trying to say in response to some comments. (I'll post sometime about my vent regarding the "Christian bubble" that we so often fail to leave.) Pete and I are convinced that this adoption is God's will for our family. It is not Plan B, it is not second-best, it is not because it is difficult for us to get pregnant. It is what God wants, and we feel a peace and a joy beyond explaining about this child...and the child already feels a part of our family even before we know his or her name or age or birthday! God does not give ANY guarantees to parents, whether they have biological or adopted children or both. We work with teens and have seen messed up kids from every situation, and great kids from every situation. I mean, God is the perfect parent, right, and look at the messes we, His kids, get into every day! God's power and His grace are perfect and all sufficient. We know that, in our family, God is working according to His purposes, and we are willing to submit to His plan...it doesn't matter if it means that we might suffer, have broken hearts, experience pain, etc...God called us to have the same attitude of Christ Jesus, who humbled himself and became obedient to death! We can do no less, and we are safe in His hands and His will, no matter what happens! And we're excited. I can't wait to meet our newest child. I really hope that I get to hold him or her this year!!! That's our prayer. Will you pray that with us?

Christmas Picture

2008-12-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas a few days late, everyone! We took this on Christmas morning at my parent's house. Ali was feeling a little under the weather, but we managed to get a smiling picture. Christmas was a fun day for us, and crazy. Two other families with young toddlers joined my parents and my brother and sister-in-law for a wild day. I love celebrating with a crowd, though!

I've been dreaming a lot lately about what it will be like when we are a family of four...who knows, maybe next year our Christmas picture will have another child in it! I am content, though, in the waiting. It's been so much work just to get to this point, but I'm so grateful to God that He has given me peace in the waiting. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with your prayers for us. I know He will provide the resources to complete this adoption, the wisdom we need to raise our two kids (maybe more in the future), and His never-ending presence. I was reminded again this Christmas that Jesus is Emmanuel: God-with-us. I know that's "old news" to so many of us, myself included, but wow...I mean, Jesus is with me all the time, wherever I go. So I remind myself to praise Him, and to make my praise glorious for Him, dancing, singing, leaping, praising all day long!

URGH...Revisions Necessary

2008-12-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

Hello All who are patiently waiting with us in this adoption process. I went out to check the mail this afternoon on this blissfully warm day in December and saw an envelope from none other than USCIS. Unfortunately, I saw yellow paper peeking at me from the clear little slot in the envelope where our address was. Surely, I thought to myself, they do not put our approval on such paper. I was right. We have officially been told by USCIS that our homestudy lacks one thing: our homestudy preparer's signature with a declaration that she wrote all the information in our homestudy "under penalty of perjury under United States law that..." and then it lists a bunch of fancy language that has to be written verbatim into our homestudy (which, by the way, is already in our homestudy, just not all fancy and at the end with the signature). Craziness.

But the good news is that our file is actually in the process of being reviewed by USCIS. This change shouldn't take too long, and we'll hopefully get our US approval very soon!

Big Big News

2008-11-14T17:22:00.000-08:00

So...we're still waiting to receive our USCIS approval (hopefully sometime next month), but our file was finished being translated, and yesterday, after I called our case worker with an update, she told us our file was finished being translated and was at an orphanage. First, I was surprised because originally we were going to adopt through the central authority in Colombia (their child welfare equivalent), but now it looks like it's a better fit for us to adopt from a private orphanage in Cali, Colombia called Chiquitines. Well...our case worker told us that once our USCIS approval was in our file, the board of directors at the orphanage would review the file. To our great surprise and delight, the board reviewed our file before that approval. We were contacted by our agency today and sent a letter TODAY notifying us that we are officially accepted...we're just going to fax our USCIS approval once we receive it! How cool is that? So, we are "officially waiting." I cannot tell you how excited we are. It's still a long journey of waiting, but we're approved. Now, to pray for patience some more...I'm off! Check out the link...on the word Chiquitines above...if you want to see the orphanage where we will meet our child for the first time!

Heroes Commentary

2008-11-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

So...in my blog reading, I came across this interesting take on Heroes. Read and comment if you want to!

http://www.racialicious.com/2008/11/03/the-racialicious-roundtable-for-heroes-37/

For myself...I am constantly reminded of how much I take for granted...I, as a white girl, am always represented in the TV shows I watch, movies I see, books I read, etc. and I don't need to worry about whether or not I will be portrayed favorably--there are enough of my demographic represented that even if there is a villainous white chick, there are plenty of white "heroes" to make up for it. It makes me again dedicated to more critical viewing. It's my job to be a catalyst for change; I know I'm not anywhere near the positive agent for change that I would like to be, but I'm learning (hopefully)...and I want our home to be a place where we discuss these issues.

I Couldn't Help Myself...

2008-10-28T11:46:00.001-07:00

...I just called USCIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services) to find out about the status of our application. People keep asking where we are in the process: We have all of our paperwork in Colombia as of October 3rd. It is being translated and should be finished soon...but an official in Colombia cannot look at our file and approve us until the US Government approves us to adopt internationally. So we're waiting. We're going to be doing a lot of waiting during this process. I was hoping USCIS would be quicker, but they are telling us 90 days at this point to process our application...90 days from the receipt date: September 17th...90 days is December 16th. That is so far away...and is it 90 work days or 90 days. I counted 90 days. It better be 90 days. After 90 days, I'll call USCIS again, at which point they probably won't be done, but at least then they will assign us a case worker to review our homestudy. Hopefully they will not need any more information...then they will mail us our approval letter, titled the 797C, which I will fax to our country director. She will send it to Colombia, just in time for the holidays....so our file will most likely not even begin the review process in Colombia until after Christmas (and by that I mean mid-January), where it is estimated to take another 90 days to review and hopefully approve. Aaahhh. I am so glad I didn't know all this BEFORE we started. It's a LOT harder than I thought and a LOT harder than being pregnant...but no one knows except other adoptive parents. They all have a lot of sympathy for us at the moment b/c they understand the struggles of doing this paperwork stuff and then just waiting for governments. Imagine waiting for the government to tell you when you could deliver your baby and not knowing how much longer it would be until you give birth. That's about what it feels like. I know we haven't even really begun the official "waiting" period. God knows how much He'll be teaching me about patience. Aaahhh. Not doing so hot now.

Adoption Updates

2008-10-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

Several praises:
1. Our dossier was sent to Colombia on October 3rd for translations. It is not complete yet as we are still waiting for US Government approval. Once it is complete, the Colombian government will review it and either approve us or ask us for more information. (You can start praying now that our file will be acceptable!!!)
2. We have been assigned a fingerprint appointment at USCIS (Citizen and Immigration Services) for October 14th...a necessary step for government approval.

Several prayer requests:
1. Please pray that we will receive our US approval in a timely manner.
2. We are in the process of applying for grants.
3. Pray for the families in Colombia now, as the court system is on strike and all adoptions have halted at the moment...keep some families in limbo in Colombia with their children. I'm sure they are stressed out wondering when they will be able to finalize their adoptions and return home and wondering how long their finances will hold out as they are in Colombia indefinitely.

Fun Picture of Aliana

2008-10-10T07:23:00.000-07:00

First Birthday Pictures

2008-09-30T09:32:00.001-07:00

So here are some pictures of Ali enjoying her presents and cupcake at her birthday party!

On the adoption front...guess what I'm mailing today? Our completed dossier documents (with the exception of our US government approval). Our program coordinator is going to send our documents to Colombia to be translated (after she looks them over...please let them all be correct!!!), and then we'll just fax our approval from the US when it comes. So, we are really close to being done with the majority of the work we have to do...next steps: waiting, reading, praying, enjoying Ali and our family and friends, waiting, applying for grants, saving money...lots to do while we settle in for the long wait for our second child!

Birthdays & Coffee Trucks

2008-09-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

There is an ice cream truck that drives by our house every late afternoon. Our next door neighbor buys one for her and her dog, and on nice days they sit in the yard to enjoy the treat together. Very sweet. I just think in my head I would never spend money buying ice cream for a dog, and then I wish the ice cream truck were a coffee truck. I would wait everyday and spend a whole lot of money on a nice hazelnut latte. How awesome would that be?

Well...I can't get that wish, but I do get to enjoy my beautiful daughter all day long on her first birthday. Can you believe it? I am so grateful to God for her and for the joy she brings us. I am remembering back to trying to get pregnant a lot these days and comparing it in my mind to our adoption. Both have required so much trust, more than I can come up with on my own. I am praying so much that God will help me remember that He is in control of everything. As I pray, I am remembering my disappointment at not being able to get pregnant on our own and then going through fertility treatments and wondering if we'd ever get to hold a baby and call her our own. God didn't have to, but in His mercy He allowed us to get pregnant. I vividly remember the joy of finally holding Ali in our arms one year ago; I know I will experience joy again when we hold our next child in our arms. I am praising God for so much today...for His son, Jesus, for helping us have faith, for being sovereign, even over our small lives, for His faithfulness to us, for our daughter, Aliana, and for the child we do not know yet! I can't wait to meet him. (or her.) :)

Well-dressed, Appropriate, and Pleasant?

2008-09-15T17:15:00.000-07:00

So our dossier instructions say that in the photos we submit, we do not need to be in formal attire, but we should be "well dressed, appropriate and pleasant-looking." What do you all think...is this an okay photo to send. I keep trying to get a good one when we're (semi) dressed up for church, but I'm making the mistake of having our teens take the picture...so we've got a bunch of fuzzy, head cut-off, eyes-closed, Ali crying pictures. This is the best picture we have so far of us looking "pleasant," but do you think we're "well dressed" enough?

Done (With One Stage)

2008-09-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

We are officially done with our homestudy and our psych evaluation and all of our other paperwork...we've sent everything to various states to be apostilled/authenticated (a necessary step to make our papers "legal" overseas). We've had some bumps on the road, but we're done with one huge step. Our social worker mentioned that we have 3 hoops to jump through: the homestudy, the US government, and then Colombia. After that, we'll be waiting, and waiting, and waiting. (Can you tell which part I'm dreading?) We applied with USCIS (the government) on Friday, so who knows when we'll hear from them, but our Colombia program director said that once everything else in our dossier is done, she'll send it to Colombia to begin translations and we'll just send the 171H (approval from US) when it gets done. It makes me feel better that at least our paperwork can get to Colombia even if the US takes a while...which hopefully it won't.

Fun with Friends

2008-08-31T17:31:00.000-07:00

I wanted to practice adding pictures...so here is one of Ali with some friends from our neighborhood! Yay...it worked. (For those of you who don't know, I would normally have to ask Pete to help me, but tonight I did this all by myself.) We'll post more pics from our summer later.

Tuesday, Pete and I have the last step (hopefully) to being done with our psych profile. We have to take a personality inventory to make sure we're normal people. We met with the psychologist again on Friday, and he's adding to our report. We still haven't heard about our homestudy yet. We're hoping that will be done by the end of this new week, as well.

I'll Probably Laugh Later...

2008-08-27T12:53:00.000-07:00

...when we encounter a bigger setback, which I'm sure we will, and I look back on our setbacks of the past 2 days and think how small they were. But right now I'm stressed and worried. It's so hard to remember that we really don't have control of our families (even if we feel like we do!). Thank goodness for my friends this afternoon for being an encouragement and a listening ear. Hanging out with them really made my day.

Our setbacks so that you can pray with us: Our homestudy needs a lot more detailed information and our psychological evaluation needs MOUNTAINS more information, including assessments. We submitted those two things to our placement agency, and they have informed us that Colombia is getting very particular and wants TONS of information on these two documents (more so than in the past). So, off to meet again with social worker and psychologist for the same information. Craziness and stress, especially since we thought we were good to go yesterday so we notarized all our other paperwork to be sent to be authenticated. I think we might just do that anyway and just wait for the homestudy and pysch eval to come later. We're at this point just hoping that none of our paperwork is 6 months old by the time it gets to Colombia b/c then we'll have to turn right and around and renew everything. Aaahhh.

Reluctance

2008-08-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

So, I have been putting off posting because I REALLY wanted my next post to be titled "Done with our Homestudy." But, some good friends of mine threatened to kick me off their links on their blogs (horror of horror) if I didn't post soon. So here it is. We are NOT done with our homestudy, yet....but it is very close. Maybe by the end of this week we'll be able to put something up with the title I really want to see. By the way, my friends were just kidding about kicking me off their sites. They would never do that! :)

In reality, our homestudy rough draft is done and we are approved. We are just waiting to have the official copy in our hands. After that it is on to approval from the US & Colombia. We are almost done paper-chasing.

For prayer...after we have our official homestudy in our hands, we will be applying for various grants. Please pray that God provides for this adoption financially. We are trusting him and know beyond a doubt that he will provide, but it's still a little bit staggering to look at what we will need!

Paper Chasing

2008-07-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

For those who want to know....here's where we are in the paper chasing stage. (To explain a little bit, there are three "hoops" to jump through: the local agency homestudy, the Colombian government dossier requirements, and US Citizen and Immigration Services requirements.)

Right now: To complete our homestudy--
*Pete's autobiography (it will probably be written on our vacation!)
*Still have to take a current family photo
*Finish up one last education course
*Our medical forms (Pete & Em)...waiting for our doctors to finish them
***We should be done with our homestudy very soon!!!

Right now: To complete our Colombian dossier--
*Too much to put down, really, there's a list of about 20 documents, all of which have to be notarized and appostilled (which is basically a notary of a notary that costs $10 a page! I've read they justify that exorbitant cost by saying that is what it takes to make our documents legal documents in another country.)

To complete our filing with USCIS--
*Waiting on our homestudy to submit our initial application.
*Then we wait to receive fingerprint appointments and clearance.
*Then we wait for our piece of paper: titled 171H (fancy, huh?) which we have to send with everything else to be appostilled!

So, the theme of this post is insanity and waiting. I think the two are going to go hand in hand for a long time. I was talking to the program director today for Colombia and, for the millionth time verifying that we will probably be waiting 2 years after all our papers are in. I really, really, really don't know how I'll cope. That's a LONG time. I keep going back to prayer and faith in God. I can't doubt now what I know He is calling us to do.

During that wait time, my newest scheme is to audition for Deal or No Deal and win 1 million dollars. I think I have a chance. :) Think of the great human interest appeal for ratings...what would you do with a million dollars, Emily? Oh, adopt our child and I think we'd give the rest to re-model the Lighthouse. I'm actually fairly serious about this idea. I can act ditzy so I can get on the show!!!

Give Me Your Eyes

2008-07-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

Why am I always so tempted to be selfish all the time? I am in constant need of reminders about where I should focus my thoughts, energies, dreams, and goals...this song reminded me of it tonight
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VWIpQuGwSyQ&feature=related
and this verse reminded me this morning:
Matthew 16:24-26
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

The Home Visit

2008-07-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

Our social worker came to our house Friday. I actually didn't go crazy with cleaning. We just made sure the house was normally clean and pick-upped...not crazily clean. :) I was actually really proud of how "chill" I was. Good thing, too, because it's not like our social worker did a white glove test or anything. She just walked through the house and then we talked about how our days normally went. It was a good meeting. We just have one more in two weeks and then we're done...except for making sure all our paperwork is in our file. We're just waiting on Pete's birth certificate and our letters of recommendation! Amazing how quickly it went. I'm just praying that assembling our dossier is the same b/c I know our referral wait time probably will seem like FOREVER.

One quick praise...we turned in our passport applications/renewals last week and we got them TODAY. Can you believe it? 2 weeks for our renewals and Ali's brand new passport.

Fears

2008-07-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

I've heard people say that the paper-chase of adoption can be considered the 1st trimester of an adoption...I remember being scared and nervous that something would happen to Ali during my first trimester of pregnancy, and strangely, I'm nervous again now for our second child. But there are so many more unknowns. It is taking, by far, more prayer, more trust, more EVERYTHING to keep my eyes on God and trust His will and timing over the entire adoption process. I'm scared about how long we'll have to wait for our child--I wonder how I'll cope during the wait, I'm nervous about being approved by the Colombian government, I'm anxious about all the paperwork that has to come back from a million different places before we can even say we're done paper-chasing, I worry about the finances of the adoption...aahhh. The reason I post all of this is to ask you to pray for us (for me mostly...Pete is amazingly level headed about all of life, thank goodness!) Will you ask God to keep me dedicated to Him and seeking His face through this entire process? I desperately need to trust Him. I KNOW I can't do this without Him.

In other news...our home visit is tomorrow. I'll post about how that goes.

Our Homestudy

2008-07-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

We're currently in the midst of our homestudy! We have had two meetings with our social worker, and we have three more to go, plus a LOT of papers to gather. On our fridge right now I have a to do list: medical appointments/forms, application & personal bios, financial statement, life insurance (yeah, we should get some...kind of required for this), take family photo (in nice clothes...which for those who know me...it'll have to be a Sunday), get driving records, insurance affadavit, continue with our education courses (one down, 5 to go).

And that's only for the homestudy...wait'll you see the list for our dossier for Colombia! :)

The Beginning

2008-07-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

Lamentaciones 3:22-24

El gran amor del Señor nunca se acaba, y su compasión jamás se agota. Cada mañana se renuevan sus bondades ¡muy grande es su fidelidad ! Por tanto, digo : «El Señor ese todo lo que tengo. ¡En él esperaré ! »

Pete and I have decided to begin an adoption. We couldn't be more excited about growing our family! We want to be able to keep those who want to updated, and we also want to be able to have something to share with our son or daughter someday when they ask to hear their story. We can't wait to share it over and over with him or her!

God's faithfulness is great...even in the midst of sorrow, he brings joy. The sorrow a mommy and daddy must feel when they cannot raise their child, the sorrow a child must feel while they wait in an orphanage for a forever family, the way they miss their mommy or daddy, our sorrow that we won't be able to be there for every single minute of our child's early life...but we truly believe that God can redeem every situation. Out of sorrow, he can create joy. We enter into our adoption process praising God for miracles, but also praying for the day when He will wipe every tear from our eyes and we will rejoice in His physical presence with us.

So, be excited with us...pray with us...we love you all and most of all...to our baby...we love you so much already, even before we know your name, and we can't wait to hold you in our arms. We're praying for you! Love, your Mommy and Daddy and big sister, Ali!